Never Trust A Mini Van...Ever...Period

[XLR8]

I hate to profile and generalize but that's the new rule.

I'm upright, no skin loss, no plastic harmed, same old story, different bike & rider...  

Nuff said.

 

[highside]

I have found mini vans to be the most consistently hazardous vehicles on the road. That doesnt mean all mini van drivers, but it seems that a greater proportion of them want to kill me out of idiocy or actual intent than any other type of vehicle.

[et]

.... but it seems that a greater proportion of them want to kill me out of idiocy .....

That's because most mini vans are owned by people that are parents.
Take any person; when that person becomes a parent his or her I.Q. will automatically drop.  

--et

[MDHCO]

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

Mark Twain.

I find red Dodge Caravans particularly worrisome.

[Zen Rider]

I hate to profile and generalize but that's the new rule.

I'm upright, no skin loss, no plastic harmed, same old story, different bike & rider...  

Nuff said.

 

I'm wit'cha here  - drivers of Mini Vans rarely disappoint my ever diminishing expectations.  

My Credo - Pass with caution ... but as soon as possible  

[kenish]

Especially minvans with decals representing dad, mom, kids 1-4, dog 1, dog 2, and the cat.  That includes Tahoes brandishing the decals too.

Also, Toyota Avalons are on my "see and avoid" list.  They always seem to be driven more aggressively than the driver's skill level.

[steve.ski]

Take any person; when that person becomes a parent his or her I.Q. will automatically drop.  

--et

Au contraire...

[chornbe]

Shit. I'm in trouble. I have a gaggle of kids and there are two minivans in my driveway at the moment (one is borrowed from a friend while my car is in the shop).

How much does owning 3 bikes help to offset that? The math is beyond me. Help me out here folks!!

[miles]

That's because most mini vans are owned by people that are parents.
Take any person; when that person becomes a parent his or her I.Q. will automatically drop.  

--et

Word.  It happened to me, and even more so to my wife.


miles

[cultureslayer]

I have found mini vans to be the most consistently hazardous vehicles on the road. That doesnt mean all mini van drivers, but it seems that a greater proportion of them want to kill me out of idiocy or actual intent than any other type of vehicle.

+1
My mom has a minivan, and she's the worst driver I have had to share a vehicle with.

[phoenix]

1 minivan, 1 kid, 1 motorcycle  here .... what does that constitute?

[jstark47]

Around here (Trenton/Princeton, NJ) it's luxury SUV's driven by people between late 20's and early 40's (child-rearing years, coincidentally) talking on cell-phones.  Rarely fails to disappoint.  I automatically cover brakes whenever one is lurking at a cross street - it's amazing how often I end up needing to brake.

I gotta get one of those horns so loud it will make them drop their latte & cellphone in their lap, jump out, and hide behind the nearest tree!!!!  

[Tyrroneous]

I gotta chime in here too.  We have a mini-van.  I hate to do anything in it but travel long distances, at which it excels.

The problem with ours (2000 Chrysler) is the horrendous blind spots.  They're huge.  Maybe that has been rectified in the newer models.  But seeing as how most minivans share the same general shape, size, and layout perhaps freakin' huge blindspots is a common problem?  

[mike goodwin]

I have no problem profiling what so ever.
Hey if the shoe fits...
I find practically all four wheel vehicles equipped with drivers suspect.
In particular Volvo drivers with gaudy jewelery and yacking on a cell phone or one of those new inventions they wear in their fcking ear.

[rauchman]

+1 on the minivan with the SUV a close runner up.  I've had an instance where I was in the left lane on a highway doing 65 in a 55 and this bitch on a cell phone just starts wandering into my lane.  I dented her door by kicking it because she was coming TOO CLOSE.  Of course she freaked out when I kicked her door.  After some friendly hand gestures and some carefully orchestrated French, she got the message.  There is a school down the street from me and I've had more close calls with moms in their minivans/Suvs on their cell phones making lefts right in front of me as if I wasn't there.  On one occassion some more French was used and she flipped me the bird.  Well, I wasn't having any of that.  I met her at the school 10 seconds later and after some more exquisite French, I'm sure she will be at least aware of bikes on the road....................  I like French.  Yes, this is stereotyping, but it is what it is...... women on cell phones in minivans/Suvs are the #1 danger I face on the road as a motorcyclist.

[XLR8]

I suppose we can allow some karma points if you own a motorcycle and a mini van.  

[lilwing]

"Yes, this is stereotyping, but it is what it is...... women on cell phones in minivans/Suvs are the #1 danger I face on the road as a motorcyclist." - rauchman

+1  Soccer moms in minivans, Tahoes, Explorers, Suburbans, Excursions, Rav4.........

[keystonejenks]

Don't trust minivans!?!? I don't trust anybody, not even my riding buddies!  

Just kidding, I do trust my riding buddies - a little.

[ChikkenNoodul]

It's particularly worse when the minivan or SUV has a blacked out rear window  

[shah269]

Soccer moms are hopped up on Valium and Prozac and not enough lithium.
Basically they are suicidal but want to take some one with them.
Soccer dads are men who've long since lost their ability to grow facial hair due to their testicles being forcibly removed and placed in a pickle jar in the basement.

Long story short watch out for mini van drivers. They hate their lives and are totally unaware of whats going on in front of them. To add insult to injury most mini van drivers have no clue how long or wide their cars are (note the back right bumper of every minivan on the road, 80% have some sort of damage)

To deal with them you have to stay the hell away from them! Get out of their blind spot (which starts at the grill and ends 25m behind the hatch). I recommend the MOTO GP wheelie fly by at triple digits. That or my personal favorite pull up to a soccer dad in his mini van, honk your horn get their attention. Take left hand place it on forhead with palm out with the thumb and index finger extended. Then look of sadness on their face as they realize "I can never grow a sexy gote ever again!". At which point you laugh down shift and MOTO GP wheelie away!

[seeeester]

I gotta get one of those horns so loud it will make them drop their latte & cellphone in their lap, jump out, and hide behind the nearest tree!!!!  

  (except that the driver will be more likely to just drive off, oblivious)...

[November]

Soccer moms are by far the worse, but around here you also have to watch out for the "business" men, on their cell, driving their HUGE ASS pick up trucks. Those four-door, six-wheeled, longer than a Greyhound bus, trucks scare the crap out of me espcially when the guy is yacking on his cell phone just like the soccer mom.

[sagerat]

The primered out mid-80s K car sedan with listing suspension has also proven a consistent pattern of driver incompetence in my experience.  In fact any four-door sedan from the late '70s to mid-80s that has dents, missing parts of the grill, smoking driver to go with smoking muffler, cracked windshield or side windows replaced by either cellophane or duct tape,  has always pegged my central nervous system.

[vulcanbill]

In particular Volvo drivers with gaudy jewelery and yacking on a cell phone or one of those new inventions they wear in their fcking ear.

Easy on the Volvo's...  I'm on my 2nd Wagon.  Since getting the first, I've paid particularly close attention to the Volvo driver stereotype and have found it to be mostly untrue.  SUV's and huge trucks tend to give me more problems than Volvos per se.  My real fear is anything that your average 16-19 y/o can afford.  Every Neon, Sentra, Eclipse, etc is automatically treated w/ extreme prejudice until proven worthy.  

Any vehicle w/ anything placed for display in the rear window or hanging from the rear view mirror is automatically stereotyped as well.  

[airborneXX]

I have no problem profiling what so ever.
Hey if the shoe fits...
I find practically all four wheel vehicles equipped with drivers suspect.
In particular Volvo drivers with gaudy jewelery and yacking on a cell phone or one of those new inventions they wear in their fcking ear.

Volvos are my enemy also. When ever I see one nearby I count on it's driver doing something incredibly stupid. It seems they have the "Fuck everybody else I'm safe" attitude.

When my Uncle bought a Volvo a couple of years ago my words to him were "Great I guess you're going to suck at driving now"

[scotteroni]

I am disheartend by all this Minivan bashing on this forum. Don't we want to present to visitors that we are an "all inclusive bunch here"?.  

Ive known a few minivan drivers and they are some of the most loving, decent, caring people I know. Heck, I even let my kids play with their kids.  It's just plain wrong to stereotype people  

 Instead of being so meanspirited I think there is room for compromise and understanding so as to accomodate the percieved shortcomings of our fellow travelers. I suggest we consider more "society freindly" options for sharing the road with those that may be struggling with  "MADS" Motorcycle Awareness Deficit Syndrome.

+1 on avoiding minivans. Watch for exploding tires and spilled Double Cafe Mocha Latte's. Give em a wide berth.  

 

 

[Penforhire]

No, seriously, there has to be some sort of toxic substance in the steering wheel of VW microbuses that lowers IQ and reaction speed...

[ChikkenNoodul]

No, seriously, there has to be some sort of toxic substance in the steering wheel of VW microbuses that lowers IQ and reaction speed...

Yeah, it's all the cannabis soaked into the leather.

[Nimh]

Don't trust minivans!?!? I don't trust anybody

I'm with ya.  I don’t care if it’s mini vans, kids with fart cans, jacked up four wheel drives, squids on sport bikes, large late model Caddys, work vans covered with ladders and planking, or even a guy on an RT.   I’ll keep an eye on them with equal watchfulness.  Let the guard down and all of them can kill you.

[Liquidsilver]

+1 on the Volvos.
 
Mercedes, too!   Hummers.   Crown Vics and Grand Marquis.   POS cars driven by young rednecks.   POS cars driven by urban youth.   POS cars.
 
Vans?   I don't find vans worse than anything else out there.  
 
 
 
 

[mike goodwin]

Volvos are my enemy also. When ever I see one nearby I count on it's driver doing something incredibly stupid. It seems they have the "Fuck everybody else I'm safe" attitude.

When my Uncle bought a Volvo a couple of years ago my words to him were "Great I guess you're going to suck at driving now"

At least this person understands what i am saying.
Maybe it's just the rich white women here in Houston that drive them that has caused me so much angst.
Anyway i keep my distance from them.

[Albie]

Shit. I'm in trouble. I have a gaggle of kids and there are two minivans in my driveway at the moment (one is borrowed from a friend while my car is in the shop).

How much does owning 3 bikes help to offset that? The math is beyond me. Help me out here folks!!

See! If you didn't have kids the math would be simple for you.  

[Wanderer]

Ok, os for a quick recap...
I shouldn't trust mini vans, Volvos, VW buses, luxury cars, old cars, cheap cars, 'tuner cars',  Mercedes, SUVs, Large pickup trucks, and by extension, small pickup trucks, other motorcycles...
Couldn't we just save alot of bandwidth and just agree all cagers are braindead and dangerous?

In all seriousness, around my neighborhood, when I almost get smoked by a car its usually a Subaru or an expensive "upper class" car.  Usually a Cadillac or Lexus.

[chornbe]

In all seriousness, around my neighborhood, when I almost get smoked by a car its usually a Subaru or an expensive "upper class" car.  Usually a Cadillac or Lexus.

What the hell, man. Don't you understand that these people with money don't need to take the time and energy to look out for you?? Jeezuz, man!  

[Thundergod]

Im a parent of one, and #2 is on the way for march. Minivans do have their practical applications.

But Im either headed for a 4 door Jeep Wrangler or a 4 Door Tacoma....no minivans in my future!

[MidLifeMike]

My home driveway is directly across from the front doors of the local high school - fagheddaboutit!
Within a year of moving in, the lot line's cedar rail posts were knocked out one by one to a distance of 20 feet back from the sidewalk - with tail light fragments to indicate it was vehicles, not vandals.
The grass on the road allowance past the sidewalk is now scrubbed off from the continuous u-turns after lining up and dropping off the little angels. They actually go onto my lawn with regularity.
"Use my driveway - Please!" And it's the little Cavaliers that go wide. I put a big rock at the corner of my grass and someone removed it a day later. I never did see it again. Weird.
No wonder kids are nitwits today; look at their parents. They haven't got a chance to turn out normal.
What's this go to do with motorcycles? Not much, but I don't try and leave the house on my bike at that time of day that's for sure.

[SlakeMoth]

I recall from reading the used bike narratives on http://www.umgweb.com/ that an inordinate number of bikes seem to have met their fates against Volvos and delivery trucks.

[shah269]

Now all this aside!
Do you know who I LOVE to pull up to!
Hot girls in two door convertables!
Nothing like pulling up on one at 75mph, honking the horn and giving her that "Hay how you doing"!
You know the two handed pistols! Even the older hot chicks love it!

[Busy Little Whiner]

I believe that cagers don't cause accidents... rather they cause emergencies... it's up to the rider to
prevent an accident... life is the prize...

[WarER4X]

Profiling may not be politically correct, but IT CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Be wary of any large passenger vehicle (minivan, SUV, etc) being driven by a small person.  I don't know if it's because they have a harder time seeing out of those monstrous metal machines, but they never seem to know (or care) what is around them; be it a motorcycle, pedestrian, other car, UFO, whatever.  Maybe they just prescribe to the maritime rule of "largest vessel has the right of way".  

-SR-

[bomber]

BSL has a good point -- I consider every "oops" my fault -- it raises my level of situational awareness to acceptable levels

that said, my threat alerts go deep red and loud around anyting with more than one sticker/rear window decal

two kinds are especially worrisome

the common "I'd rather be _________" (golfing, telling you about my grandchildren, skydiving, pulling the wings off flies

and

the ubiquitous "I HEART my ________" Labrador Retreiver, goldfinches, gold fish, Barry Goldwater, Teacher . . . . . .

let's be careful out there

[kenish]

And it's the little Cavaliers that go wide. I put a big rock at the corner of my grass and someone removed it a day later. I never did see it again. Weird.

Instead of a rock, install a fencepost with about 12-18" protruding.  If wood isn't good enough there are very nice looking square ones made of aluminum or steel.  That should stop a driver from going wide more than once.

[XLR8]

I believe that cagers don't cause accidents... rather they cause emergencies... it's up to the rider to
prevent an accident... life is the prize...

Exactly why I am still walking.

[sagerat]

Bumpersticker in Bend:  My Rollerderby mom can beat up you Soccer mom.  

[OmegaSix]

Funny coincidence to find this thread near the surface.  I was just having thoughts about mini-vans, and the way they're driven.

I commute on my bike a lot.  I try to achieve a state of highway zen most days.  Usually, I succeed.   Go with the flow, treat cars around me as neighbors, see if they respond positively, make liberal use of throttle brake and middle finger to drive points home...

The thing is, in the midst of being a good neighbor, toodling along in the right lane, safely following the poor schmuck in front of me, I will, from time to time get tailgated.   Inevitably by a mini-van.   Not SUV's.  Not silly little Honda-Cars.  Not Semi rigs.  Not Volvos.   Friggin' mini-vans!!!!   DODGE/CHRYSLER mini-vans!!!

WTF is that?

The vehicle on the highway possessing the very  worst brakes on the highway - tailgating the shit out of me.   And not just me - - everybody!!!!    

I owned a Chevy Lumina back in the day.  I had the thing from 1990 to 1997.   It hauled my kids to and fro.   Ball games, cheerleading, field trips, the fair.   You know the deal.   I have to wonder - - did I drive that thing like the mindless pricks I see today?

Maybe...

Maybe it's the kids.   Kids make you crazy, that's for sure.

[Grnarrowe]

.
But Im either headed for a 4 door Jeep Wrangler or a 4 Door Tacoma....no minivans in my future!

This does NOT exempt you, NO NO NO! Why you ask, I'll tell ya.. Last night on my way to work I had to cage it because, surprise, it was raining here. GUESS who the slow fooks were? THAT'S RIGHT! The idiots in the Jeeps and Blazer. Got behind 2 of them at one point, speed limit 45 Dummy 1 & 2 doin about 35. COMEON!!! It aint raining that hard. Dummy 1 turns left onto the street I need to go on #2 goes straight. I make my left turn speed limt 40 I catch #1 quite quickly and PASS his worthless Jeep drivng ass. Several miles down the road I meet up with Dummy #3 driving a Blazer or rather TRYING to drive a Blazer. How much you wanna bet he'll be turning on the street I need to be on? YUP he turns on his turn signal, hey they do have them, and promptly MISSES the turn. He locks up the front wheels and stops in the median before hitting the concrete median. I got around that twit because I CAN DRIVE MY CAR IN THE FOOKING RAIN YOU STUPID SUV DRIVING PUTZZZ!!!!!!!!!!  Good god I feel better now.

Uh, what was the question?  

[bomber]

just wait til the first good snowfall -- all the new-ish SUV and Hummer pilots will have forgotten that their all-wheel-drive systems let them get started easier in the snow/ice/spooge . . . . . however, they do most definately not stop or turn better . . . . .

last winter, I counted 4 jeeps and 3 hummers in the ditch on the way to O'Hare one morning . . . . I tried not to snicker

I really did

honest

[Grnarrowe]

I don't snicker, I point and LAUGH  

[jude]

+1  Soccer moms in minivans, Tahoes, Explorers, Suburbans, Excursions, Rav4.........

...adding numb-headed drones driving sedans/coupes/drop tops from Mercedes, BMW, Volvo, Saab and any Hybrid, especially that fcukin' prick in the Prius this morning.

Oh, if that was you or if you drive any of the above, let me just say,  .

[cultureslayer]

...adding numb-headed drones driving sedans/coupes/drop tops from Mercedes, BMW, Volvo, Saab and any Hybrid, especially that fcukin' prick in the Prius this morning.

Oh, if that was you or if you drive any of the above, let me just say,  .

I almost got ran over by a Prius today too!  Damn environmentalists think the world revolves around them.

[Blrfl]

...all the new-ish SUV and Hummer pilots will have forgotten that their all-wheel-drive systems let them get started easier in the snow/ice/spooge . . . . . however, they do most definately not stop or turn better.

Tell me about it...  My wife has a Subaru that we both love to death, but man does that thing inspire an insane amount of confidence on slippery roads.

Oh, and for me it's GREEN minivans.  I've had more close calls with GREEN ones than I can count.

--Mark

[bpg]

I almost got ran over by a Prius today too!  Damn environmentalists think the world revolves around them.

LOL!  One of my older sisters has one; your analysis is spot-on...  Overly Earthy-types can almost be as obnoxious as yer standard yuppie-weenie these days, itellyawhat...

[bpg]

I gotta chime in here too.  We have a mini-van.  I hate to do anything in it but travel long distances, at which it excels.

The problem with ours (2000 Chrysler) is the horrendous blind spots.  They're huge.  Maybe that has been rectified in the newer models.  But seeing as how most minivans share the same general shape, size, and layout perhaps freakin' huge blindspots is a common problem?  

The following advice could probably save the country zillions and save a life here and there:

Can't see out of mirror = buy a set of $2 convex mirrors.  

It's amazing to watch people contort themselves to all degrees and still not be able to see the blind spots, when a casual glance to a bubble mirror would show much more with almost no effort

 

So when does my Nobel Peace Prize arrive, LOL!  

[cultureslayer]

LOL!  One of my older sisters has one; your analysis is spot-on...  Overly Earthy-types can almost be as obnoxious as yer standard yuppie-weenie these days, itellyawhat...

I live in granola cruncher central, and give the prii a wide berth.  They still try to run me over, and this is on a BICYCLE.  Hello, greener than your huge toxic battery, so I should be running you over.