The Life of Vernon - A finish the sentence story

[bubba zanetti]

The Life of Vernon
by ST.N Post Ho's

Vernon was a wiley character, his beard hid his emotions well, emotions that could easily give away his hearty love of poutine and all things Celine Dion. In a land of lumberjacks he was a umberjack among lumberjacks.  When he would walk ,his gargantuan buttocks rippled like Lake Superior in a storm. Women would stare with a grin while they danced around singing I'm a lumberjack I don't care.

Vernon, sensing his power over women, took careful steps to keep an ample supply of condoms.  However he did have V.D., and he really didn't care for his most recent date much.  So, what he decided to do was what any other lumberjack in his shoes would do. He pulled out his 17 hp vibrator and shook the acorns off an oak tree.  The mighty oak throbbed and acorns fell off.  Vernon collected the acorns and placed them carefully in his panniers. "Well, that's dinner taken care of. now I just need to get this damn GS started.  

The battery was dead so he suck started the bike like George Michael and threw his leg over the seat, careful not to damage his acorns. "Now, how do I get to the road.  My GPS isn't working and it's getting dark". Suddenly, he remembered that he had forgotten to fill his tank at the last stop.  He only had six bucks and a dead vibrator to keep himself alive. So he swallowed his pride and began the long walk to where he hoped the road would be.

Reaching the road, he was surprised to see about 40 Hari Krisnas and Jehova's witnesses in the mother of all turf wars. He sadly shook his head at he carnage.  He noticed that one of the JW's had ANOTHER 17hp vibrator.  Batteries were low though so he commenced eating one of his co-worshippers.

All of a sudden, he spotted a Honda Goldwing ridden by none other than Jay Leno.  Just his luck Jay is only valid for Thimphu, Bhutan, because of the massive concussion he got when Jay ran him down.  Now, fully awake he assessed the damage to his body and found that he had become priapetic (perpetual erection). Suddenly an idea to make money from this ailment flashed through is head.  The perverts at STN can only think about sex so he decided not to become a trappist monk but instead to devote his life to Worshiping Selma Hayak's bountiful busom.


( near end of page 2 )  Next post will cut and paste from there.