Twenty-Five Things I wish I knew when I started riding

[andmoon]

#46...Beware of fellas called "DOC" giving real advise

[Dichotomous]

chain drive is really annoying to clean,

[Cpl Punishment]

Here we go round the Lemon Tree...
 
As my teenage son just said...nearly..all right

Never ever...um...ride anything without a designer label on. (I really didn't mean that)
ALWAYS Be happy. Honest.
NEVER Park bike downhill, unless it's a Cossack and it's aimed at your neighbour's Suzuki. We all know which will win.
NEVER Vote for a mainstream party.
NEVER Go to war. I REALLY mean that. Unless you're old and don't have to do it in person.
NEVER Buy anything Japanese.

Not in the mood for this. Sorry. It was where I came in a while ago and I don't want to repeat old jokes. I'll get back when in a better mood.

[Tony T]

If a cager makes eye contact with you just remember, they still don’t see you.

[jsanford]

If you get a bad feeling about a driver on the interstate, trust it.
That untethered chair WILL tumble out of the back of the pickup.
If you don't feel like you should go for a ride today, don't.
Heated grips are essential below 50 degrees.
NEVER park two bikes in one space rear tire to rear tire.
BMW car drivers are always late to something important and will tailgate or cut you off. Even if you're riding a BMW.
It is better to go round on your morning commute than drive past a Starbucks drive-thru to shorten the distance.
Don't follow a car with snow on the roof too close up hills.
Adjust your rear suspension when you add loaded sidecases or a sucker passenger.
When in doubt, take your helmet with you.
When in doubt, take your Givi topcase with you.
Invest in earplugs, a baclava, and a Turtle Fur.
It is always better to arrive late in one piece.

[Iceburg98]

Invest in earplugs, a baclava, and a Turtle Fur.

Hey, I like baklava as much as the next guy, but what does a flaky Greek pastry have to do with anything???

If you meant balaclava, then yes, definitely buy one of those... I didn't think I'd ever need one in So Cal... then I decided to go riding up into the mountains to look at the pretty snow... and forgot how cold it really gets at 50mph in 30 degree temps...  

[MisterEd]

Live by these, young grasshopper...

• The vehicle with the most lugnuts wins.
• There is a 99.8743% probability that you WILL drop your new bike within the first year of riding.  Just be sure you can deal with that.
• Never, ever believe a bike ad that reads "Adult owned, never dropped...."  

[county]

Wear a helmet even when you are riding in shorts and t-shirt and don't ride in shorts and t-shirt unless it's real hot.

Watch your riding posture when riding in shorts to keep your tan evened out.

Harley dealers and BMW dealers usually have really nice toilets.

[Playinthestreet]

There are more women, of all ages, hanging around Harley shops than all other brands combined.  And they're NOT all crack ho's.

[MisterEd]

There are more women, of all ages, hanging around Harley shops than all other brands combined.  And they're NOT all crack ho's.

(yeah, well, I'd still do a tooth-count if I were you...)

[Cpl Punishment]

(yeah, well, I'd still do a tooth-count if I were you...)

• Always remember that a motorcycle's natural state is horizontal.
  Roundabouts near petrol stations often have spilled diesel on them.
  When it's cold, insert a catheter.

[CBRXXBLACKBIRD]

Good write up   I have so seen this happen many times When you're leading a ride, and looking for a restaurant, turn off, service staion, whatever. DO NOT panic stop when it suddenly appears. Point, give the turn around signal, and turn around safely.

[AngelDeville]

1. do not use your front OR rear brakes, acelerate, or turn, while riding a street bike in the snow... or maybe just don't ride in the snow...

[Clair]

Already stated but needs repeated:

If YOU'VE made eye contact with the cager ... ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS assume that they have NOT seen you!!!

Never, ever, EVER trust the turn signals on a cage.  Wait for the cage to begin it's turn or lane change before you initiate your move.

Always remember ... drivers in big huge honkin SUV's (like Excursions) will crash into other big huge honkin SUV's (like Excursions) and the first thing they're gonna say is "I didn't see you!" ... so given that, what the hell makes you think they're EVER gonna see you on your bike???

[OTB]

At an intersection,that shiney looking goo in the middle of your lane that you just put your foot down in, has the friction coefficient of Astro-glide on Teflon.........

[shah269]

Here is a good one
Do not Black Magic / Armorall your tires! Ever!
But feel free to tell others that its a great idea!

[STGurp]

Here is a good one
Do not Black Magic / Armorall your tires! Ever!
But feel free to tell others that its a great idea!

Or your seat!

[shah269]

Or your seat!

See now your showing your age! I was just at the bike shop the other day and noticed that most of the new Honda's have neoprene (wet suit material) seats. Apparently the idea is to improve ass to bike grip!
I want to know how the hell did they measure that one!

[airborneXX]

If you see a fast food bag in the middle of the road don't kick it. It may contain a half eaten bowl of chili  

Boy was my wife pissed. She was pillion and somehow most of it wound up on her

[Nimh]

Boy was my wife pissed. She was pillion and somehow most of it wound up on her

I mean... that's no good!  Mine would have been upset too.