Divorce-what happens?

[scott-sts]

I'm blissfully married so I can't fathom what it's like to get divorced but I know many people who are.  The old stat is 50% of marriages end up in divorce.  I don't know if that's true but it's probably close.

I've been wondering how you go from proclaiming undying love for each other, "FOREVER," and entering in to a legal contract while witnessed by everyone you know in the world, to 100% pure hatred.
How does this happen??
"I do" to "I hate you".
How many times in life do you actually commit to anything until you die?  DEATH.  The end.  Yet in half the cases, we don't follow through with this commitment?
Why?


 

[UFO]

 

[Bjorn Toulouse]

 

 

[Shhted]

I, too, am blissfully happy.  But I'm not about to rest on my laurels and say it'll be that way forever.  My relationship with my wife is a living thing that requires care and feeding from the both of us.  Once one or the other gives up, it's most likely doomed.

I can't and won't judge anyone who gets to the point of divorce simply because it's not my place.  Some folks give up to easy, others stay in marriages that were dead to begin with.  I say ride your own ride.  

[R.Markus]

I'm blissfully married

I, too, am blissfully happy.

Yes, but are your wives?

[Shhted]

Yes, but are your wives?

Ask her.

[Against The Wind]

And sometimes you don't even know when it happened.

[M.Brane]

 You'll have to as my ex. She's the one who decided to move away with my kid, ruin my credit, and charge me $500 a month for the privilege.

[chimera]

 You'll have to as my ex. She's the one who decided to move away with my kid, ruin my credit, and charge me $500 a month for the privilege.

Pfft you got off cheap chief.  Count yourself lucky.

On topic: People change.  I like the pic above of the fork in the road.  Sums it up nicely too.

[Wockman]

 You'll have to as my ex. She's the one who decided to move away with my kid, ruin my credit, and charge me $500 a month for the privilege.

Me too !  Except I pay $624 a month...

I for one believe the idea of marriage is antiquated...

[scott-sts]

Me too !  Except I pay $624 a month...

I for one believe the idea of marriage is antiquated...

It does seem to defy logic, huh?

[Mr. Whippy]

I'll have to ask my wife....

[goldylocks303]

Half of all marriages end in divorce, the other half end in death.  

Enjoying the bachelors life a little longer,
eD

[M.Brane]

Pfft you got off cheap chief.  Count yourself lucky.

 Well considering the fact that we didn't own a home I'd say no, but yeah it could have been worse. I regret not severing all financial ties when we split up, but then I would probably owe attorney's fees.

 We still get along pretty well despite her poor decisions since I choose not to be an asshole. I know she didn't ruin me on purpose, but it still hurts.

 She has since re-married to an actual asshole so there is justice in this world.

[dm_gsxr]

In our case it wasn't hatred. More like that fork in the road and no interest in merging again.

And you guys got off cheap. She got the house, a new car, _and_ $1,200 a month. And that was 10 years ago. And then she abandoned the house before we could get it transferred into her name so I had to move in and spend 401k money to pay the late mortgage and two months of past due utility bills.

Carl

[chimera]

 Well considering the fact that we didn't own a home I'd say no, but yeah it could have been worse. I regret not severing all financial ties when we split up, but then I would probably owe attorney's fees.

 We still get along pretty well despite her poor decisions since I choose not to be an asshole. I know she didn't ruin me on purpose, but it still hurts.

 She has since re-married to an actual asshole so there is justice in this world.

Upon reading my own quote I came off sounding douchebaggy. Sorry.  Each persons pain is unique and it sounds like yours has been soothed by some good cosmic karma.  

[Powder Addict]

I've been wondering how you go from proclaiming undying love for each other, "FOREVER," and entering in to a legal contract while witnessed by everyone you know in the world, to 100% pure hatred.
How does this happen??
"I do" to "I hate you".
 

When she screws one of your friends.

It worked out ok, I traded her in for a younger, sweeter, prettier model, that requires much less maintanence    

[Squareman357]

I still am, for how long I don't know.  What I sense happening is that while we were much more "aligned" 20 years ago, we're not so much now, and the older we get the further apart that gulf gets.  Once it's too wide to bridge anymore, I think we'll probably be heading for divorce.  People change, things you once dealt with without struggle now cause major arguments.  Things that you never really "saw" before, become more and more visible to you.  You grow apart instead of growing together.  

[cultureslayer]

I for one believe the idea of marriage is antiquated...

Please convince my boyfriend this is true :P

[scott-sts]

I still am, for how long I don't know.  What I sense happening is that while we were much more "aligned" 20 years ago, we're not so much now, and the older we get the further apart that gulf gets.  Once it's too wide to bridge anymore, I think we'll probably be heading for divorce.  People change, things you once dealt with without struggle now cause major arguments.  Things that you never really "saw" before, become more and more visible to you.  You grow apart instead of growing together.  

I hear that alot; people change.  I guess that means eventually the person you married becomes a completely different person.  It must be strange to look at this person and not reconize them anymore.

[chimera]

It must be strange to look at this person and not reconize them anymore.

That gave me goosebumps cuz it's dead on target.  I'm suddenly not liking this thread so much; dreg up too much stuff better left on the bottom.

 

But to all you happily divorced folks out there    

[jay547]

Me too !  Except I pay $624 a month...

about the same for me. along with the ungodly cost of health insurance.

there's a reason i ride an eighteen year-old bike and it's not because it's what i like.

if you have kids, prepare to get screwed.

[sammyseaman]

I still am, for how long I don't know.  What I sense happening is that while we were much more "aligned" 20 years ago, we're not so much now, and the older we get the further apart that gulf gets.  Once it's too wide to bridge anymore, I think we'll probably be heading for divorce.  People change, things you once dealt with without struggle now cause major arguments.  Things that you never really "saw" before, become more and more visible to you.  You grow apart instead of growing together.  

Yep. I was in a 20 year relationship (we never married but talked about it often) and it all fell apart 13 months ago. The downfall of our relationship? New job. I got a new job where I was home every night and the "little" problems we had and ignored for many years weren't so little anymore. Two counselors and nine months later we just couldn't make it work   Life is one strange trip.

[M.Brane]

Upon reading my own quote I came off sounding douchebaggy. Sorry.  Each persons pain is unique and it sounds like yours has been soothed by some good cosmic karma.  

 No worries. I know it's a touchy subject, and many guys end up paying a lot more in child support + alimony. I ended up paying more to the IRS, and the Arabs. Not to mention all the work I've had to turn down to spend time with the kid.

 It's all relative.

[toddrod]

Half of all marriages end in divorce, the other half end in death.  

Enjoying the bachelors life a little longer,
eD

Death sounds really good compared to the alternative!  

[Bjorn Toulouse]

I hear that alot; people change.  I guess that means eventually the person you married becomes a completely different person.  It must be strange to look at this person and not reconize them anymore.

I'm thinkin' this can be the case from BOTH points of view.


Rex

[TheGoose]

Half of all marriages end in divorce, the other half end in death.  

Enjoying the bachelors life a little longer,
eD

 

[mike goodwin]

I had an old friend who said the opposite side of love is hate.
He paid heavily in his divorce.

Had another friend who stated you had to be a rugged individual to be married.
He must be pretty fooking rugged because he's been there three times now.

My own Brother had to come and live with me for three long years because of the conspiracy hatched between his wife and mother in law and literally wiped him out financially.

Since i am single and would not have it any other way my humble little abode becomes the place where my low rent friends who are married find refuge now and again and almost to a man has usually made the statement that they love their wife but if anything ever happened to them such as death or divorce they would never do it again.

My own mom and dad were married four times each so i think i have probably heard every kind of maritial argument at least twice.

So it must really be true what my old friend Bruce said that it takes a rugged individual to be married.

Good luck.

[Against The Wind]

 Life is one strange trip.

Ding Ding Ding. But it sure beats the alternative.

[DredheadV2.0]

Ding Ding Ding. But it sure beats the alternative.

A boring trip?

[scott-sts]

A boring trip?

I think he means death.

[B-rent]

I nominate this thread for the "most depressing thread of 2008" award.  

[cjgauthier]

        Ever notice the only time someone tries to get you into a tux is when you get married or die.


 

I still am, for how long I don't know.  What I sense happening is that while we were much more "aligned" 20 years ago, we're not so much now, and the older we get the further apart that gulf gets.  Once it's too wide to bridge anymore, I think we'll probably be heading for divorce.  People change, things you once dealt with without struggle now cause major arguments.  Things that you never really "saw" before, become more and more visible to you.  You grow apart instead of growing together.  

       I call this the "Too much water under the bridge syndrome". After so many years of marriage there will be plenty of minor and possibly more than a few major disagreements over money, kids, in-laws, etc..  All it takes is one wrong word and resentment over all that stuff comes back like a hammer over the head. We need a pill you can take every ten years to forget past quibbles.

[heinee]

   It's happening to me right now after 10yrs of marriage. Fortunately, no kids and the separation is fairly am-micable considering she's leaving me.
Side note though, since she makes about 3times as much as myself, I'll be receiving some spousal support for the next 5 yrs...but I'll still need to watch me pennies.

[Tar Snake]

Never been married, but dealing with that 50% number. Its the number of marriages not couples. I would think that skews things. Couple A gets married, stays married, that's one marriage. Couple B divorces, he remarries, she remarries, now that's 3. I know one guy that's on his 4th!

So I would hope going into the 1st marriage you've got better than 50/50 odds.

[basco]

I'm blissfully married so I can't fathom what it's like to get divorced but I know many people who are.  The old stat is 50% of marriages end up in divorce.  I don't know if that's true but it's probably close.

I've been wondering how you go from proclaiming undying love for each other, "FOREVER," and entering in to a legal contract while witnessed by everyone you know in the world, to 100% pure hatred.
How does this happen??
"I do" to "I hate you".
How many times in life do you actually commit to anything until you die?  DEATH.  The end.  Yet in half the cases, we don't follow through with this commitment?
Why?


 

You really have to ask this question? You don't really know until your marriage goes to shit. Mine wasn't mental until she had the second kid and wasn't that way when we got married.  

[M.Brane]

 When I split from ex #1 I took my vehicles, tools, instruments, clothes, a couple pieces of furniture, and some other minor things. I left her the house, most of the furniture, and all the appliances. I considered that a fair deal since she made about double what I did, and I couldn't afford that place on my own anyway.

 It didn't take very long for her new "friend" to move right in.

 They have since moved away, and I haven't seen 'em since. I wish them both the best of luck. Seriously.

[birdrunner]

1/2 of couple decides they're not happy,  doesn't discuss it, but expect other spouse to fulfill their needs and make them happy.   When that doesn't happen (how can you fix what you don't know is broken?), the unhappy person decides easiest way to change life is to change something MAJOR, like marital status, rather than realize that problem may reside with SELF.

Result:   One confused person........................ not that I'm bitter or anything.

[Simplyhere]

It's ridiculous that what men usually know instinctively about motorcycles, or cars, they don't understand about women, and relationships.  Here's how it works:

Let's say you buy a brand new bike/car, and you drive it off the lot straight home to the driveway, get out of it, and let it sit there...pristine, gleaming, perfect.  But to save engine miles you don't drive it, and to save wear and tear on the fine leather you don't sit in it, you don't do...well...anything.  And in a year, if you come back to look at it, it's perfect right?  Wrong, it's a disaster!  Bird shit all over it, dirty as crap, acid rain, faded paint (maybe), that new car smell is gone, maybe the dash is faded, or cracked, tires are low on air, gas may (or may not) be good, and the battery is perhaps too weak to crank it.  The point is you've done NOTHING to cause this vehicle to decay, and instead chose to leave it safely parked and out of harm's way...and in spite of you, your new steed has RUN DOWN.  Welcome to the Second Law of Thermodynamics: things run down.  On their own.  No help needed.  Everything runs down.  Your body.  Your house.  Your fire.  Your dog.  Your uranium.  Your relationships...all of 'em.  

You see, like that car example, it takes MAINTENANCE just to produce the status quo.  It requires "productive effort" to maintain the same level of whatever it is you currently have TODAY.  The world pulls everything down...slowly...most of the time imperceptively...until one day...the amount of effort required, to bring the vehicle back to its original glory...simply isn't possible, or isn't worth it.  And when this happens, you have changed from a neutral state, to one of negativity.  Things really begin to decay now because it's not that you are ignoring the car, it's that it's just THERE...in the driveway, in your way.  So you lay things on it, prop it up on blocks, consider selling it.  It becomes an eyesore, and people start mentioning how bad it looks just sitting there, rotting in your driveway.  So you move it to the backyard.  Out of sight out of mind, right?  And if somebody snuck up in the middle of the night and stole the damn thing would you really care?  Would you even notice?  Might it actually be a relief?  

A relationship with a woman is exactly like that.  It requires WORK to maintain it.  Not to improve it.  Not to take it to a higher/better level...but just to maintain it at the rate at which it was created.  Notice I said "relationship" requires maintenance.  Some people fall into the trap of calling the woman "high maintenance"...and that's rarely the case.  It's the relationship that is high maintenance.  Here's what I mean: if you're a hard core sportbike-riding, knee-dragging speed freak that hits the twisties at Stoner speed every weekend, you will wear out parts, gas, tires, etc. at a faster rate than the guy who rides 2x per month, to the local store, for beer.  One style of riding requires a higher maintenance than the other, but the fun factor makes it all worth it - for that guy.  The same can usually be said of relationships.  If you feel you maintain far too much and get far too little from the relationship, then the relationship is in trouble and you're heading down that path.  You're a candidate for divorce when that happens.

Now before some of you blast me and say "but my wife tried to kill me with a hacksaw", or "the ho ran off with the mailman, AND his Labrador Retriever", there is sometimes no explaining psychopathic behavior, you just drew a bad card.  But having said that...most of the time, in the vast majority of cases and excuses (the relationship went south, we hit a fork in the road, we woke up different people, she changed, etc.) it is because there wasn't adequate maintenance on the part of those in the relationship.

It's all about the maintenance friends.  If a man wants to take your woman away, he'll do it with maintenance.  Count on it.

And now, I've got to ride to the store for some beer.

[M.Brane]

 It can get a bit difficult to maintain something properly when the maintenance requirements are subject to change without notice.

[Against The Wind]

I knew I should have polished the hood more often.

[Hardware]

1/2 of couple decides they're not happy,  doesn't discuss it, but expect other spouse to fulfill their needs and make them happy.   When that doesn't happen (how can you fix what you don't know is broken?), the unhappy person decides easiest way to change life is to change something MAJOR, like marital status, rather than realize that problem may reside with SELF.

Result:   One confused person........................ not that I'm bitter or anything.

I think we have a winner here!  My two past long-term "forever" relationships (one actual marriage and one common-law relationship) ended because both times, the females in question each had a bunch of their own psychological issues that they refused to address - their solution was to make my life miserable and blame it all on me.  

In both cases, when we parted ways, they each went on to continue with completely dysfunctional lives.

Two very affirming times in my life:

#1 - a couple of years after divorcing my first wife, she called me to apologize for everything that went wrong in the relationship.  She accepted responsibility for all the things she had done wrong and admitted I had actually been very good to her.  You see, she came to the realization that picking up a six-pack of beer on a Friday evening for the weekend does not indicate one has a drinking problem.  She also acknowledged that working 12 hour night shifts at your job, to earn money for the household, in no way constitutes neglecting her.

#2 - two years ago I ran into a guy who worked with the guy who was then living with ex #2 (the common-law relationship).  He started to tell me about how this guy's life had turned into a roller coaster since she'd moved in with him.  He never knew what he was going to face when he got home each day.  Monday, a nice supper might be waiting for him.  Tuesday she might have the house completely ransacked.  Wednesday she might be gone.  Thursday she might have the police waiting for him.  He was pretty much at the end of his rope.  I had ended it with her before it all got to that degree of insanity.

I fucking hate crazy bitches!

[Simplyhere]

I fucking hate crazy bitches!

Well, sure, there's that too.

[TomInOregon]

Please convince my boyfriend this is true :P

Just get him started listening to Tom Leykis on the radio or via podcasts.  That should do it.

[shah269]

The chemicals just run out i guess....i mean marrage is more or less a chemical addiction.
So either the chemicals run out or they stop working and you find your self a better fix.
It happens, not like you want it to but i just does.

[sammyseaman]

The chemicals just run out i guess....i mean marrage is more or less a chemical addiction.
So either the chemicals run out or they stop working and you find your self a better fix.
It happens, not like you want it to but i just does.

Nothing is ever that easy. If it was scientist's would have a pill for us. We are a pain in the ass, complicated mess o' protoplasm and nobody is ever gonna be able to figure it out. I actually think if you are completely honest with each other throughout the relationship you have a better chance of nipping the bullshit in the bud before it's too late.

Also if anybody out there thinks an "emotional affair" is nothing, your gonna be suprised. Not harmless  

[clyde]

I've been wondering how you go from proclaiming undying love for each other, "FOREVER," and entering in to a legal contract while witnessed by everyone you know in the world, to 100% pure hatred.
How does this happen??

It's because people f@#k first, and decide later that they really don't like each other. By then, it's too late.

[FirstVtwin]

1/2 of couple decides they're not happy,  doesn't discuss it, but expect other spouse to fulfill their needs and make them happy.   When that doesn't happen (how can you fix what you don't know is broken?), the unhappy person decides easiest way to change life is to change something MAJOR, like marital status, rather than realize that problem may reside with SELF.

Result:   One confused person........................ not that I'm bitter or anything.

Thats exactly what happened to me.  I was happily trudging along in the married life. We had less problems than 90% of the folks on here I bet.  One night I woke up at 4:00am to come downstairs and find my wife in the arms of another man.  I fought for her love for 2 months before letting go.  I never saw it coming.  We had a 1.5 year old at the time.  I still have no idea what happened or why.  She just told me she had not loved me for over 2 years, and could never talk to me.  I too was confused...now I realize I have a chance to find someone better.  Hell, I deserve it.  I'm smart, loving, caring and fooking HOT!  I have more dates now than I ever imagined possible.  Its fun  

Lucky for me, I'm a great dad.  I have split physical custody of my daughter (3 nights one week, 4 the next), and only pay $350 a month.  I'll make it through!

[scott-sts]

Wow, this is a very cool thread.  Glad I thought of it.
Lot's of soul cleansing and deep shit going on.
Perhaps men aren't nearly as shallow as most women think we are.

[DredheadV2.0]

Look!  Bewbies!

[FirstVtwin]

Look!  Bewbies!

um...doesn't this REQUIRE the posting of such devices?

[DredheadV2.0]

um...doesn't this REQUIRE the posting of such devices?

No.  That would be shallow.

We are not shallow, therefore we can use our imaginations...

Ahhh, feck it.

[FirstVtwin]

much better...carry on.

[zzkenoman]

I saw somewhere here, another guys soon to be ex wife that just trashed his bike, I think your on a better footing than he is.  Besides, whats better, your wife or your bike?

[mike goodwin]

After rereading all of this there is no guessing about it any more.
Truely one has to be a rugged individual to be married and stay there.

This Scott STS has to be one of your best attempts yet.

[scott-sts]

After rereading all of this there is no guessing about it any more.
Truely one has to be a rugged individual to be married and stay there.

This Scott STS has to be one of your best attempts yet.

Attempts at what?

[mike goodwin]

Attempts at what?

I meant nothing personal Scott.
By attempt i just meant you know like good effort,good post,etc.

And this is the problem with the net because the fact that in a conversation people can more easily get what you mean by your voice or facial/body language and so forth.
Here people dont always get what you are saying in print form.
Fwiw i had a PM a short while back by an excited individul who thought i was calling him a liar.
O course my reply was that if i was at that point i would have called him a liar outright because i am a straight shooter and dont pull any punches.

[scott-sts]

I meant nothing personal Scott.
By attempt i just meant you know like good effort,good post,etc.

And this is the problem with the net because the fact that in a conversation people can more easily get what you mean by your voice or facial/body language and so forth.
Here people dont always get what you are saying in print form.
Fwiw i had a PM a short while back by an excited individul who thought i was calling him a liar.
O course my reply was that if i was at that point i would have called him a liar outright because i am a straight shooter and dont pull any punches.

Yeah, I had an interesting PM day yesterday myself.

I just didn't know what you were saying so I thought I would ask.
Should we start brawling now?

[Mr. Whippy]

It is interesting as well as sad.

I haven't read one post (although I admit I skim some) where the guy said, "Yea, I was pretty much to blame."

Certainly not the common perception of who's responsible for what.

[denisep]

We figure it's too much trouble to figure out who gets the kid (15 years old)...  

I say, "You have to take her!"

He says, "I'm not taking her, she stays with you!"

 

[scott-sts]

It is interesting as well as sad.

I haven't read one post (although I admit I skim some) where the guy said, "Yea, I was pretty much to blame."

Certainly not the common perception of who's responsible for what.

Perhaps it not that clear cut.  I'm not reading "It's her fault" in these replies.
Unless it's a post about finding another mans prick in your wife.  Then it's pretty clear cut.

[Scratch33]

Besides, whats better, your wife or your bike?

Whichever you ride the most.

[Squareman357]

It is interesting as well as sad.

I haven't read one post (although I admit I skim some) where the guy said, "Yea, I was pretty much to blame."

Certainly not the common perception of who's responsible for what.

I'm more than willing to admit that I too have changed.  I'm not the same person I was 22 years ago.  If my changing has affected the relationship, then I bear the responsibility for that.  But what to DO about it is the question...

[Shhted]

I'm more than willing to admit that I too have changed.  I'm not the same person I was 22 years ago.  If my changing has affected the relationship, then I bear the responsibility for that.  But what to DO about it is the question...

I'll save Copper-SVS the trouble, BHITAWTF.  

[FirstVtwin]

It is interesting as well as sad.

I haven't read one post (although I admit I skim some) where the guy said, "Yea, I was pretty much to blame."

Certainly not the common perception of who's responsible for what.

I won't say I didn't change, but even after finding my wife with another man, I fought my ass off for my marriage.  I took a vow, and I was going to stand by it.  I tried to take her to counciling, and to our pastor, and to her parents...nothing worked.  I walked on egg shells and kissed her feet for two months after what I found, and she still left me.  Before that, I was a loving, caring father.  She joined a local theater group and was never home...we never saw each other.  She fell in love with her co-star in one of her plays.  There was not a damn thing I could have done.  We never fought, I never yelled, and I was a great husband.  I should have known something was up when she totally skipped fathers day that year.  I truly was blindsided.

I want to get married again.  I want to find that certain someone...and I will stand by that vow again when the time comes.

[Against The Wind]

I think I need to watch Forrest Gump again................

[chimera]

I think I need to watch Forrest Gump again................

I'm not a smart man.....

[JonS]

It is interesting as well as sad.

I haven't read one post (although I admit I skim some) where the guy said, "Yea, I was pretty much to blame."

Certainly not the common perception of who's responsible for what.

That would be me, twice. The sad part is that they were both good women.
At least I learned enough to avoid most of the stuff from the other two times... We will see in another fifteen years or so.
On last thing, men and women really are different species.

[Mr. Whippy]

That would be me, twice. The sad part is that they were both good women.
At least I learned enough to avoid most of the stuff from the other two times... We will see in another fifteen years or so.
On last thing, men and women really are different species.

Interesting.  From the popular press, and most media outlets, the old saw of "Middle aged man goes looking for a younger woman, trying to recapture his youth, divorces his wife and family for his midlife crisis fling" seems to be fairly exaggerated, at least from the STN experience.

[Shhted]

She joined a local theater group and was never home...we never saw each other.  She fell in love with her co-star in one of her plays.

You can never trust theater guys.  Ever.  If they're not teh ghey, they're teh poon hound.

[milkman]

I just recently married on 6/14/08.  We have been together for 10 years, we both wanted to wait due to us only being 28.  I came from a home with divorced parents where both were remarried.  All i can say is that take care of your daughter.  even when my parents were arguing (in there bedroom) my siblings and I could hear them.  Be the bigger man, and good luck to you.  These things can get nasty even for the kids.  Please remember that she will use your daughter as leverage against you.  When she does this as much as it upsets you, don't let it affect your time with your daughter.  

[cultureslayer]

Interesting.  From the popular press, and most media outlets, the old saw of "Middle aged man goes looking for a younger woman, trying to recapture his youth, divorces his wife and family for his midlife crisis fling" seems to be fairly exaggerated, at least from the STN experience.

STN is not the most likely group to do something like that.  Here a midlife crisis is more likely to involve a switch from corbin to russell seats.  

Mistress takes too much time away from the bike.  

[scott-sts]

I just recently married on 6/14/08.  We have been together for 10 years, we both wanted to wait due to us only being 28.  I came from a home with divorced parents where both were remarried.  All i can say is that take care of your daughter.  even when my parents were arguing (in there bedroom) my siblings and I could hear them.  Be the bigger man, and good luck to you.  These things can get nasty even for the kids.  Please remember that she will use your daughter as leverage against you.  When she does this as much as it upsets you, don't let it affect your time with your daughter.  


Wrong thread dude.

[Mr. Whippy]

Bad posting


uh...

dood

[DredheadV2.0]

She joined a local theater group and was never home...we never saw each other.  She fell in love with her co-star in one of her plays.  There was not a damn thing I could have done.  We never fought, I never yelled, and I was a great husband.  I should have known something was up when she totally skipped fathers day that year.  I truly was blindsided.

Man.  I saw that happen with a pair when I was in the community theater in Rockford.  Married woman with two kids and an adoring husband co-stars as Guinevere to a married guy's Arthur.  That same season they were re-cast together in 42nd Street.  By the time we were through with tech rehearsals, they had both left their spouses and kids.  

I felt kinda happy for them, since they glowed when they were together, but I felt like shit for the kids, who still came to see their mom perform.  They looked lost.  

Having worked in the theater a whole bunch, I always saw enormously strong attachments form between actors and actresses, torrid affairs that last about a week after the least curtain goes down, but never anything permanent.  I think it's a fact of life in the theater - the people get so caught up in the little world they've created, the real world takes a back seat.  But when that world comes to an end, the magic's gone.

Sorry to hear what went down, and I'm glad you're stronger for it.

[mike goodwin]

I think I need to watch Forrest Gump again................

O.K.
But i think i will get drunk tonight and watch the old original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre".
That's a flick that will get your attention drunk or sober.

This damn thread is bad for your mental outlook on life
Where the hell did Ozzie and Harriet wander off too.

[scott-sts]

Bad posting


uh...

dood

 

[jadziadax8]

Thats exactly what happened to me.  I was happily trudging along in the married life. We had less problems than 90% of the folks on here I bet.  One night I woke up at 4:00am to come downstairs and find my wife in the arms of another man.  I fought for her love for 2 months before letting go.  I never saw it coming.  We had a 1.5 year old at the time.  I still have no idea what happened or why.  She just told me she had not loved me for over 2 years, and could never talk to me.

I read a very interesting article in Time Magazine a couple of months ago that may have an explanation for this phenomenon.  Apparently women and men have a good mate detection system.  We can smell certain pheromones given off by members of the opposite sex.  If those pheromones are too close to ours, that person will make a bad mate genetically.  The wacked out part?  Birth control pills mess up this system for women.  Say you are on the Pill and meet a wonderful man.  You get married, and after a couple of great years of marriage, you decide to start having kids.  You go off the Pill, and suddenly realize you've made a huge mistake, and don't know why.  I'm definitely not saying this makes up for bad behavior, like cheating, since we have free will, but it is an interesting theory.

[dr dralion]

I'm not divorced - I'm not even married.  I was engaged though...  After 5 years of dating, I asked my girl to marry me and she accepted.  A few months before the marriage she said she couldn't do it.  I was upset.  We're in counseling now about what the best course of action is and how to manage life.  She's from a f**ed up family, parent's don't admit any mistakes, don't apologize, don't consider the other's needs/wants and finally ended it with divorce.  Despite both being at fault, neither takes responsibility (another trend in her family).  I dunno how long I want to sit around while she gets her ducks in a row.  However when I read this thread, maybe waiting on the "I do" isn't such a bad thing.

One good thing to come out of this: all that money I had saved for the wedding, I paid off my bike and bought farkles

Kevin

[Mr. Whippy]

I'm not divorced - I'm not even married.  I was engaged though...  After 5 years of dating, I asked my girl to marry me and she accepted.  A few months before the marriage she said she couldn't do it.  I was upset.  We're in counseling now about what the best course of action is and how to manage life.  She's from a f**ed up family, parent's don't admit any mistakes, don't apologize, don't consider the other's needs/wants and finally ended it with divorce.  Despite both being at fault, neither takes responsibility (another trend in her family).  I dunno how long I want to sit around while she gets her ducks in a row.  However when I read this thread, maybe waiting on the "I do" isn't such a bad thing.

One good thing to come out of this: all that money I had saved for the wedding, I paid off my bike and bought farkles

Kevin

You have to make your own decisions, but MAN!!  That's nothing but a mess of red flags.  IMO, I'd keep it informal and if you're interested in marrying someone, start looking else where.  Ain't nothing here that smells good.

[cultureslayer]

I read a very interesting article in Time Magazine a couple of months ago that may have an explanation for this phenomenon.  Apparently women and men have a good mate detection system.  We can smell certain pheromones given off by members of the opposite sex.  If those pheromones are too close to ours, that person will make a bad mate genetically.  The wacked out part?  Birth control pills mess up this system for women.  Say you are on the Pill and meet a wonderful man.  You get married, and after a couple of great years of marriage, you decide to start having kids.  You go off the Pill, and suddenly realize you've made a huge mistake, and don't know why.  I'm definitely not saying this makes up for bad behavior, like cheating, since we have free will, but it is an interesting theory.

Would help explain some of the crazy crap women do.    

[scott-sts]

I went home for lunch and asked my wife if she was happy.
You know, are the same feelings still there, is she looking for more excitement or something?  'cause I can make things exciting.  
I can make every day an exploding carnival of excitement.
 

[cultureslayer]

I went home for lunch and asked my wife if she was happy.
You know, are the same feelings still there, is she looking for more excitement or something?  'cause I can make things exciting.  
I can make every day an exploding carnival of excitement.
 

  That's signature worthy right there.  

[Mr. Whippy]

I went home for lunch and asked my wife if she was happy.
You know, are the same feelings still there, is she looking for more excitement or something?  'cause I can make things exciting.  
I can make every day an exploding carnival of excitement.
 

I guess it depends what part of the carnival is assploding...

[dm_gsxr]

The thing I do is remind Rita of my personality. I'm a "live for today" and she's a "plan for the future". She likes to go outdoors. I like the outdoors but have to be extracted. Once I'm there I generally enjoy it I'm also generally pretty easy about most things where she's a bit pickier. She'll occasionally ask me where I want to go (for dinner for example). The problem is, I either pick a place I like that I know she likes (like Indian) or it's a place she doesn't like (like Outback). So I always defer to her. I can always hit the places I like (Wendy's for instance) when I'm out on my own.

Carl

[Scratch33]

I read a very interesting article in Time Magazine a couple of months ago that may have an explanation for this phenomenon.  Apparently women and men have a good mate detection system.  We can smell certain pheromones given off by members of the opposite sex.  If those pheromones are too close to ours, that person will make a bad mate genetically.  The wacked out part?  Birth control pills mess up this system for women.  Say you are on the Pill and meet a wonderful man.  You get married, and after a couple of great years of marriage, you decide to start having kids.  You go off the Pill, and suddenly realize you've made a huge mistake, and don't know why.  I'm definitely not saying this makes up for bad behavior, like cheating, since we have free will, but it is an interesting theory.

So that's it?! Pheromones? Thank goodness!!  

And all this time I thought it had to do with married couples becoming fat, bald & boring...

[Black Ice]

The question is, why the hell is everyone so red hot to get married...even when there's an assload of signs screaming, "DON'T DO IT!!!"?  

[Mr. Whippy]

It saves money on car insurance.

[scott-sts]

The question is, why the hell is everyone so red hot to get married...even when there's an assload of signs screaming, "DON'T DO IT!!!"?  

Maybe because for those that it does work out for, it's cool.

[scott-sts]

It saves money on car insurance.

So does Geico.  And you get to talk to that stupid fucking lizard.

[cultureslayer]

The question is, why the hell is everyone so red hot to get married...even when there's an assload of signs screaming, "DON'T DO IT!!!"?  

You get a bunch of presents?  

[HipGnosis]

 You get married, and after a couple of great years of marriage, you decide to start having kids.  You she goes off the Pill, and suddenly realize you've made a huge mistake, and don't know why.  I'm definitely not saying this makes up for bad behavior, like cheating, since we have free will, but it is an interesting theory.

The problem with your theory is that women who are cheating don't go off the pill.

[toddrod]

You get a bunch of presents?  

Yeah, but after the divorce you will only get half of them... if you're lucky.  

[HipGnosis]

I can make every day an exploding carnival of excitement.

But what if she's already tired of cleaning up after your excitement?

[cultureslayer]

Yeah, but after the divorce you will only get half of them... if you're lucky.  

As long as I get the grill, he can keep the towels and blender.  

[Mr. Whippy]

As long as I get the grill, he can keep the towels and blender.  

Sorry, Grills are a man's domain.

but then again so are blenders.
 

[cultureslayer]

Sorry, Grills are a man's domain.

but then again so are blenders.
 

Nothing is sacred in divorce.  

[FirstVtwin]

Man.  I saw that happen with a pair when I was in the community theater in Rockford.  Married woman with two kids and an adoring husband co-stars as Guinevere to a married guy's Arthur.  That same season they were re-cast together in 42nd Street.  By the time we were through with tech rehearsals, they had both left their spouses and kids.  

I felt kinda happy for them, since they glowed when they were together, but I felt like shit for the kids, who still came to see their mom perform.  They looked lost.  

Having worked in the theater a whole bunch, I always saw enormously strong attachments form between actors and actresses, torrid affairs that last about a week after the least curtain goes down, but never anything permanent.  I think it's a fact of life in the theater - the people get so caught up in the little world they've created, the real world takes a back seat.  But when that world comes to an end, the magic's gone.

Sorry to hear what went down, and I'm glad you're stronger for it.

Thats exactly what happened too.  They broke up a couple weeks after their last show together.  She is still involved with the theater though, and takes my daughter there...I HATE THAT!!!!!!  I and everybody else know they are a fooked up bunch of people, but she doesn't see it.  

Thats ok...she is dating a new guy not in theater.  He can deal with her crazy now.

[DRam]

Note:  I wrote the following and then re-read it.  It sounds like bragging.  It isn't meant to be that, it's meant to say that differences can be overcome and that not all marriages end in divorce.  Yeah, some 50% do, but that means that some 50% don't.  This also isn't meant as a slam at those who are divorced.  Enough of our friends, acquaintances and family members have been through that for me to realize there are times when it is the best thing, and times when it just about unavoidable.  I empathize with those who have gone through a divorce.  Not a one of our friends, man or woman, who has gone through divorce has had an easy time no matter how inevitable or justified it was.  This is just to point out to those put off from getting married by failed marriages that not all fail, and that despite occassional disagreements, it's worth trying.  And now to my original post:


An interesting discussion.  The wife and I will have been married 42 years next month.  Sometimes I wonder how we stayed together.  I like camping in the woods.  Her idea of roughing it is a 5th wheel, a KOA and a mall nearby.  I'd like a few acres in out of town.  She needs to be in the middle of a neighborhood.  I like riding.  She prefers air conditioning, power steering and a stereo.  Our music tastes differ.  She views my collection of LP's (only 900 or so) and continued use of a turntable with amusement.  I shake my head in bewilderment at her predilection for knick-knacks and inability to leave a wall or shelf unadorned.  I like stuffed bell peppers.  Bell peppers make her sick.  I could eat fish and seafood 7 days a week.  She (and our kids) can't stand the smell, taste or texture of said seafood.  I like to hunt.  She thinks Bambi is too cute to shoot.  I put up with her over-the-top optimism.  She deals with my realistic view of the world (she calls it pessimism.)   So why are we still together?  Well, to start, we like each other's company.  When we drove to the east coast to visit our daughter it pretty much a non-stop conversation.  Don't let anyone tell you a college education is necessary for an interesting conversation.  I have one, the wife doesn't.  But dscussing politics, religion, philosophy, ethics, etc. with her is always stimulating and fun.  And, no, we don't always agree.  We concentrate on the areas in which we agree and allow each other our differences.  In matters of where we live, vacations, etc. we compromise.  She may not like camping, but we've do once in a while, and we use the 5th wheel once in a while.  Although she worries, she smiles and gives me a kiss goodbye when I load up the CBR and take off for a day's ride.  When we go to town to shop I take reading material or the laptop and entertain myself while waiting - and waiting - and waiting.  I'm done shopping in half and hour or so.  She shops for hours.  We
laugh together.  Sometimes a person observing from the outside might think we're pretty immature seeing the jokes and goofy things we do.  We definetly aren't dignified.  That isn't to say we've never had disagreements or argued.  We have.  I have taken several long walks over the years.  But to the best of my knowledge neither of us has insulted or denigrated the other in an argument.  Perhaps some of the credit for our marrige is mine, but even more it is my wife's.  It has been my incredible good fortune to meet and marry a woman who is loving, caring, and forgiving.  And has been my best friend for the past 47 years.

[jadziadax8]

And now to my original post:

The wife and I will have been married 42 years next month.

   

I hope Fourstring and I will be as happy in 39 years as you guys are today.

[Mr. Whippy]

An interesting discussion.  The wife and I will have been married 42 years next month.  Sometimes I wonder how we stayed together.  I like camping in the woods.  Her idea of roughing it is a 5th wheel, a KOA and a mall nearby.  I'd like a few acres in out of town.  She needs to be in the middle of a neighborhood.  I like riding.  She prefers air conditioning, power steering and a stereo.  Our music tastes differ.  She views my collection of LP's (only 900 or so) and continued use of a turntable with amusement.  I shake my head in bewilderment at her predilection for knick-knacks and inability to leave a wall or shelf unadorned.  I like stuffed bell peppers.  Bell peppers make her sick.  I could eat fish and seafood 7 days a week.  She (and our kids) can't stand the smell, taste or texture of said seafood.  I like to hunt.  She thinks Bambi is too cute to shoot.  I put up with her over-the-top optimism.  She deals with my realistic view of the world (she calls it pessimism.)   So why are we still together?  Well, to start, we like each other's company.  When we drove to the east coast to visit our daughter it pretty much a non-stop conversation.  Don't let anyone tell you a college education is necessary for an interesting conversation.  I have one, the wife doesn't.  But dscussing politics, religion, philosophy, ethics, etc. with her is always stimulating and fun.  And, no, we don't always agree.  We concentrate on the areas in which we agree and allow each other our differences.  In matters of where we live, vacations, etc. we compromise.  She may not like camping, but we've do once in a while, and we use the 5th wheel once in a while.  Although she worries, she smiles and gives me a kiss goodbye when I load up the CBR and take off for a day's ride.  When we go to town to shop I take reading material or the laptop and entertain myself while waiting - and waiting - and waiting.  I'm done shopping in half and hour or so.  She shops for hours.  We
laugh together.  Sometimes a person observing from the outside might think we're pretty immature seeing the jokes and goofy things we do.  We definetly aren't dignified.  That isn't to say we've never had disagreements or argued.  We have.  I have taken several long walks over the years.  But to the best of my knowledge neither of us has insulted or denigrated the other in an argument.  Perhaps some of the credit for our marrige is mine, but even more it is my wife's.  It has been my incredible good fortune to meet and marry a woman who is loving, caring, and forgiving.  And has been my best friend for the past 47 years.

Awesome post.  I'm only at 20 years, but I feel very much the same way.

[keppyou812]

Well, my ex ended up screwing 2 former friends. She ended up moving to the other side of the country, with a buddy of mine from work.  After she left me, I found out that the house was in forclosure, and 3 days later the electric got cut off.  This is her idea of managing the bills. Got a loan to pay the mortgage company, and had to wait 2 weeks till I got paid again to get the electric turned back on.  Then found out the bank account was wiped out.    
She didn't get a lawyer for the divorce proceedings till an hour before court.
My divorce due to adultery turned into irreclencilable differences.
My full custody turned into full joint custody. Me as custodial parent.
She ended up having to pay $387 a month for child support.
She has visitation during the summer, and every other xmas, and spring break. Which I have to pay half of transportation costs.  

Now all of a sudden, Mother of the Year has decided that she wants to get full custody in AZ, while my daughter lives with me, here in PA.  

[Simplyhere]

I went home for lunch and asked my wife if she was happy.
You know, are the same feelings still there, is she looking for more excitement or something?  'cause I can make things exciting.  
I can make every day an exploding carnival of excitement.
 

Couldn't help but notice you didn't say what your wife's answer was.  So did she ask for the exploding carnival of excitement, or what?  

[Giaka]

What happens? Well I think one or the other or possibly both are lying to themselves and their future spouse when they say "I do" to all that BS that goes along with "death do you part". I have known way to many people that married because it seemed like its what "everyone wanted". (I was one of them).

Not everyone, in fact very few people that are married are mutually, truly in love (I bet less then 50%, does that number ring a bell?). One of them may be in love but the other is just doing the "right thing" so they don't upset the other. That and people join into marriage thinking they can deal with the minor annoyances the future spouse has and or hoping they "change". Usually they do change, they get more annoying after the honeymoon. This is when you start dealing with the real person instead of their "salesmen/woman".

The contract (till death) is simply to farking long!! You should sign on to be married for 5, 10 or 15 years and when that contract is up you either sign another one or move on.

[Mr. Whippy]

The contract (till death) is simply to farking long!! You should sign on to be married for 5, 10 or 15 years and when that contract is up you either sign another one or move on.

Heh.  The French are actually having this debate currently.

[redember]

My friend's wife ran off to Turkey to meet a man she met on the internet.

My other friend's husband cheated on her multiple times.

My other friend's husband gambled away their retirement.

My other friend's wife met another man, divorced him, remarried him with profuse apologies, and then met ANOTHER man and divorced him again.

My other friend's husband left her when he found out she had multiple sclerosis.

My other friend's wife split, with no explanation, leaving with her stuff when he was on a business trip, and then called two months later wanting to come home (he wisely said no.)

My other friend and her husband just drifted apart until they got no joy from each other anymore.

My parents unequivocally could not live in the same house at all (he's the neatest person I know, she's the messiest) and then it turned out they were gay anyway.

There's a million and one reasons.

I'm coming up on my first anniversary. We're best friends and have known each other for 11 years, and I have to admit I am hoping for the "Death do us part" deal.

[Baz]

It appears we have a few of the same friends!

[M.Brane]

 My parents have been married for 62 years.

 All us kids have been divorced at least twice.

 Guess they broke the mold.

[cultureslayer]

 Guess they broke the mold.

Or are too co-dependent to part ways, no matter how tired they are of each other.  

[M.Brane]

Or are too co-dependent to part ways, no matter how tired they are of each other.  

 That's probably a contributing factor.

[cultureslayer]

 That's probably a contributing factor.

Probably.  My parents got married when my mom was 18 and I am pretty sure they'd have no idea how to do anything without asking permission first.  

[basco]

Look!  Bewbies!

Where?

[FirstVtwin]

Where?

Back on page 3

[Black Ice]

 We concentrate on the areas in which we agree and allow each other our differences.

Yep, that's pretty much it.  

[vfrrider]

  Wondering where I went wrong.

Yes, thats what I assumed, forever. But not everyoe thinks that way anymore, just ask divorce attorneys.

Here's my 2 cents. Want to get married? OK, put up a $10000 cash bond with a 10 year face value and signs a prenup for automatic according to what you put in by salary. Want to get divorced before 10 years, forfeit it to pay your debts and legal bills. Want to file a divorce? OK, walk away with what you have. Forget child support. You fight for the child, you support them. Forget alimony, you walk away, you got what you're going to get.

Sound a little cold, yes it does. You might say, been there, done that, got the scars to prove it. Dance with the one who brung you, nobody said it was going to be easy.

Larry
VFRrider

[M.Brane]

 I don't really have a problem with child support. He's my kid too.

 What I do have a problem with is when the custodial parent moves hundreds of miles away, and then complains about the logistics involved in getting the kid to/from me for his visits. Not much that a man can do about that in CA though. We are the bad guys.

 Then there's the whole income tax issue.........