HD trashing thread.

[02Tac]

TWO RULES!!!!!
 
 1 - Must bash a harley bike , harley owners or harley stereotype or preferably all three at once.
 
 2 - NO POLITICS, it closed down the last thread and damit bashing harleys is fun.

 

        An oldie but a goodie.

 What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

 The location of the dirt bag!!!!!!

[02Tac]

Well worth the viewing --- http://www.goingfaster.com/angst/ownersmanual.htm

[photomd]

Well worth the viewing --- http://www.goingfaster.com/angst/ownersmanual.htm

Wow...I hope he felt better after putting that together.  

[scottzilla]

BMW provides technological answers to questions nobody asked.

[photomd]

BMW provides technological answers to questions nobody asked.

You'll get no argument from me.  

[Grumbler]

HOG = Harley's Own Groupies

[chornbe]

Isn't this old and tired by now?

[atadaskew]

Isn't this old and tired by now?

Let the children play.  It lets them feel good about themselves.  

[chornbe]

There's already a post-ho thread.

http://www.sport-touring.net/forums/index.php/topic,34537.0.html

[Rincewind]

 

[chornbe]

 

Wait... is Geordi Japanese??? NUKE HIM! (there, that'll help)

[bubba zanetti]

Isn't this old and tired by now?

No, that would be me.

IBTL

[blueridgerider]

Well worth the viewing --- http://www.goingfaster.com/angst/ownersmanual.htm

And he thinks Harley owners are over compensating.  I haven't seen anything so pathetic as that diatribe.  He must have to piss sitting down.

[scottzilla]

 

The dude could have ran right through that door without doing that fancy roll & tuck thing.  He's no Indiana Jones.

[chornbe]

And he thinks Harley owners are over compensating.  I haven't seen anything so pathetic as that diatribe.  He must have to piss sitting down.

Cliff's notes: the author of this site is a douche.

[scottzilla]

Someone direct me to the "Oblivion" forum please?

[Orson]

this ain't no party
this ain't no disco
this ain't no foolin' around

no time for dancin'
or lovey-dovey
I ain't got time for that now

[blueridgerider]

Chornbe and Atadaskew

Who in the heck did you guys piss off, did you and your Harley brethern go on a rampage with the STNers.

[chornbe]

Chornbe and Atadaskew

Who in the heck did you guys piss off, did you and your Harley brethern go on a rampage with the STNers.

Ti954 and County will be along momentarily to educate you. Have a seat and hold on tight. The wisdom will be just fucking overwhelming.

[bubba zanetti]

this ain't no party
this ain't no disco
this ain't no foolin' around

no time for dancin'
or lovey-dovey
I ain't got time for that now

You start a conversation you cant even finish it.
Youre talkin a lot, but youre not sayin anything.
When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed.
Say something once, why say it again?

[chornbe]

Say something once, why say it again?

My new mantra...

... ok, so I'm a work in progress.

[county]

Why don't Harley riders sit on their bikes when the sidestands are down?

They're afraid to lean over that far.

[bubba zanetti]

Je n'ai besoin de personn'
En Harley Davidson
Je n'reconnais plus personn
En Harley Davidson
J'appuie sur le starter,
Et voici que je quitte la terre,
J'irai p't'être au Paradis,
Mais dans un train d'enfer.

embedding disabled link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ai2As4XFZDY

[county]

How do you know all the aftermarket parts you bought for your Harley are worth the money?

You finally break into the 15's in the quarter mile.

[photomd]

You start a conversation you cant even finish it.
Youre talkin a lot, but youre not sayin anything.
When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed.
Say something once, why say it again?

So if we quote Creatures of Love, will everyone feel the love?

[county]

What's the difference between a Harley taken to Daytona on a trailer and one that's being ridden there?

The one on the trailer is going about 30mph faster.

[02Tac]

Isn't this old and tired by now?

 It will only become tiresome when the HD crowd stops being annoyed by it and I do not expect that to happen anytime soon.

[steve.m]

Damnit, I worked so hard to pull the last one off topic and kill it.  Why'd we have to start a new one?  Gotta start scheming...

[02Tac]

What's the difference between a Harley taken to Daytona on a trailer and one that's being ridden there?

The one on the trailer is going about 30mph faster.

 I thought the answer was going to be - The one on the trailer will actually get there.

[02Tac]

 If Harleys are so great why is there an "upgrade" piece available for damn near evey part?

[Papa Lazarou]

Ahem.

I think Harleys are actually okay. You know what you're buying, they're well made and they are old fashioned. Okay, the bit about having to spend a couple of grand to make them stop is silly, but they are what they are.

Which is all right.

The Pirate/ Dentist/ accountant bit is different. And worthy of great piss taking.

How about a campaign to reclaim the last US made motorcycle for motorcyclists?

[02Tac]

Albert Einstein arrives at a dinner party. He introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man answers, "241."

"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"

Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The lady answers, "144."

"That is great!" responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"

Albert goes to another person and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man answers, "51."

Albert's face lights up as he exclaims, "So you're the one who rides the Harley parked out front!"

[steve.m]

 If Harleys are so great why is there an "upgrade" piece available for damn near evey part?

HD owners like to boost the economy

[steve.m]

Albert Einstein arrives at a dinner party. He introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man answers, "241."

"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"

Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The lady answers, "144."

"That is great!" responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"

Albert goes to another person and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man answers, "51."

Albert's face lights up as he exclaims, "So you're the one who rides the Harley parked out front!"

[02Tac]

Ahem.

I think Harleys are actually okay. You know what you're buying, they're well made and they are old fashioned. Okay, the bit about having to spend a couple of grand to make them stop is silly, but they are what they are.

 I do not actually have any beef the brand and since they got out from under AMF the bikes have improved greatly in the quality department.  I just enjoy poking fun at their owmers becasue they take the issue way to seriously.

[Papa Lazarou]

 I do not actually have any beef the brand and since they got out from under AMF the bikes have improved greatly in the quality department.  I just enjoy poking fun at their owmers becasue they take the issue way to seriously.

It was just a gentle troll. I like trolling gently.

[blueridgerider]

Albert Einstein arrives at a dinner party. He introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man answers, "241."

"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"

Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The lady answers, "144."

"That is great!" responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"

Albert goes to another person and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man answers, "51."

Albert's face lights up as he exclaims, "So you're the one who rides the Harley parked out front!"

Okay, now that one was funny.

[02Tac]

HD owners like to boost the economy

 You are more right than you know --

Q-   What is the most common accessory for Harleys'?

A-   A pick-up truck.

[02Tac]

Take a test ride - http://www.valkyrieriders.com/harley/home.htm

[photomd]

It was just a gentle troll. I like trolling gently.

Ain't nothing gentle about your trollin'.  


I keed...I keed.  

[02Tac]

Attention, if you are a harley owner it is ok to have someone help you with the bigger words.

At a press conference late Monday, the CEO of Johnson Marine, makers of Johnson outboard marine engines and other recreational equipment, unveiled a new line of heavyweight cruiser style motorcycles designed to compete head to head with industry leader Harley-Davidson.

Peter Long, Johnson brands marketing manager said, "We have studied the market and determined that Harley, while highly successful, has narrowly missed the mark when targeting motorcycle buyers". Long added, "We at Johnson are convinced that our product hits the target dead center and promises to draw sales away from Harley-Davidson in a way no other motorcycle has been able to accomplish".

The new line of bikes, marketed under the name Big Johnson Motorcycles, will, according to Long, deliver what Harley has only promised. "Our research show that this, a Big Johnson, is what Harley buyers are really after".

At the unveiling of the new line Monday, several current Harley owners agreed. "When I bought my Harley, what I really needed was a Big Johnson," said one Harley owner." But I see now that riding a Harley is no replacement for having a Big Johnson."

Manager Long also said that his company would follow the lead of Harley-Davidson and cash in on a huge market for non-motorcycle related products. "We realize that not every guy can have a Big Johnson," said Long, "But image is very important to people. If they don't have a Big Johnson, they at least want to project the image of having one."

Asked if he anticipated Big Johnsons showing up in the hands of Harley owners, Long said it was unlikely. "I just don't see the need to have a Harley if you have a Big Johnson," he said. "And I can't imagine someone who spends all their resources to acquire a Harley having a Big Johnson. I think it boils down to this - You either have a Harley, or you have a Big Johnson, but you are not likely to have both." "Given the choice," said Long, "I think most guys will opt for the Big Johnson."

Another force driving sales for the company will come from women. A survey of the wives and girlfriends of nearly 1,000 potential motorcycle buyers indicates less than 5% would approve of their partner spending $15,000 on a Harley Davidson. But, when asked if they would be willing to pay the same amount of money to get their partner a Big Johnson, nearly 4 out 5 thought that would be money well spent.

One female present at the product unveiling was quoted as saying, "There is no way I will let Lonnie drop 15 grand on another one of those Harleys, but 15 grand to get him a Big Johnson? Well, that's something we could both enjoy, and it's something he really needs."

Carla Roundheel, manager of the dealership network now being established, said her motto is simple. "I service what we sell." Big Johnson Motorcycles will be traded on the New York stock exchange under the abbreviation PNSNV.

[02Tac]

AND    the last one for today

Top 40 things you won't ever hear from a Harley rider
_______________________________________ __


40.     Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.

39.     I'll take Shakespeare for a thousand, Alex.

38.     Duct tape won't fix that.

37.     Hey, Peaches? I think we should sell the pickup and buy a minivan.

36.     Come to think of it, I'll have a martini.

35.     We don't keep no firearms in this house.

34.     Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33.     You can't feed that to the dog.

32.     I thought Graceland was tacky.

31.     No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

30.     Wrestling's fake.

29.     Hey, Peaches? Did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28.     We're vegetarians.

27.     Do you think my gut is too big?

26.     I'll have grapefruit and whole wheat toast instead of the biscuits and gravy.

25.     Listen, Peaches. I love animals too, but we just don't need another dog.

24.     Who gives a damn about NASCAR?  Let's watch soccer!

23.     Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22.     Nope. I’m going to have to say quits after this new ink. Ten tattoos is enough for any man.

21.     Smoking is such a nasty habit.

20.     I just couldn't find a thing at K-Mart today.

19.     I wonder if I can get some quieter pipes?

18.     Hand me that metric wrench there.

17.     The tires on that truck are too big.

16.     "That's one small step for man.  One giant leap for mankind."

15.     I've got it all on the C: drive.

14.     Light beer just tastes better.

13.    Sturgis is too far to ride to.

12.     Brass knuckles and chains are for sissies.  I prefer kung-fu!

11.     Hustler?  No, I subscribe to National Geographic.

10.     I shaved my beard because it made me look like an inbred redneck hill scoggin.

9.     Checkmate.

8.     She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

7.     Cleanliness is next to godliness.

6.     Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

5.     Do these leather chaps make my ass look too big?

4.     I'd like to open this annual meeting of the International Neurosurgery Association with a poem written by Robert Frost ...

3.     I’m thinking of going back to school.

2.     Those shorts really ought to be a little longer there, Peaches.  I mean, hell, your ass is showing when you ride behind me.

... and the number one thing you will never hear a Harley owner say:

1.     NO MORE FOR ME; I'M RIDIN!!

[Ti954]

What do you call a harley that does not leak oil?

Empty

[blueridgerider]

Okay, okay I do have to do one joke.  

A burly, butt ugly biker walked into a bar where he was well known.  He had a big snaggletooth grin on his face as he walked up to the bar.

The bartender looked at the big grin and said, "Hey man, what's with the sh*t eating grin."

The biker says,"You'll never guess what happened.  Last night I was riding home on my bike and found a naked woman tied to the tracks.  I untied her and took her home.   Buddy, let me tell you, we made love all night long.  We did it in about every position imaginable."

"That's great Man!" excalimed the bartender, "was she pretty?"

"I don't know, I never did find the head," said the biker.

[Ti954]

AND    the last one for today

Top 40 things you won't ever hear from a Harley rider
_______________________________________ __


40.     Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.

39.     I'll take Shakespeare for a thousand, Alex.

38.     Duct tape won't fix that.

37.     Hey, Peaches? I think we should sell the pickup and buy a minivan.

36.     Come to think of it, I'll have a martini.

35.     We don't keep no firearms in this house.

34.     Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33.     You can't feed that to the dog.

32.     I thought Graceland was tacky.

31.     No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

30.     Wrestling's fake.

29.     Hey, Peaches? Did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28.     We're vegetarians.

27.     Do you think my gut is too big?

26.     I'll have grapefruit and whole wheat toast instead of the biscuits and gravy.

25.     Listen, Peaches. I love animals too, but we just don't need another dog.

24.     Who gives a damn about NASCAR?  Let's watch soccer!

23.     Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22.     Nope. I’m going to have to say quits after this new ink. Ten tattoos is enough for any man.

21.     Smoking is such a nasty habit.

20.     I just couldn't find a thing at K-Mart today.

19.     I wonder if I can get some quieter pipes?

18.     Hand me that metric wrench there.

17.     The tires on that truck are too big.

16.     "That's one small step for man.  One giant leap for mankind."

15.     I've got it all on the C: drive.

14.     Light beer just tastes better.

13.    Sturgis is too far to ride to.

12.     Brass knuckles and chains are for sissies.  I prefer kung-fu!

11.     Hustler?  No, I subscribe to National Geographic.

10.     I shaved my beard because it made me look like an inbred redneck hill scoggin.

9.     Checkmate.

8.     She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

7.     Cleanliness is next to godliness.

6.     Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

5.     Do these leather chaps make my ass look too big?

4.     I'd like to open this annual meeting of the International Neurosurgery Association with a poem written by Robert Frost ...

3.     I’m thinking of going back to school.

2.     Those shorts really ought to be a little longer there, Peaches.  I mean, hell, your ass is showing when you ride behind me.

... and the number one thing you will never hear a Harley owner say:

1.     NO MORE FOR ME; I'M RIDIN!!

 

[Ti954]

A harley owner goes to the bar and orders only coffee looking very depressed. The bartender says "Hey buddy, what's with you? last night you were in here drinking tequila having a great time. Hell you were the life of the party and today you look like you just lost your best friend, what gives"?
The harley guy says "I'm so ashamed, I got so drunk last night that I went home and blew chunks all night long".
The bartender laughs a little and says "That's nothing to be ashamed about, hell we've all done that".
Harley guy "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog".

[oleslog8r]

Damnit, I worked so hard to pull the last one off topic and kill it.  Why'd we have to start a new one?  Gotta start scheming...

Oh, hoot...  Is that what happened??  Maybe it'll work again.  

Yes, Headmaster...  I'm messin' wit' ya'...    

Japan...  Truman...  Nuke...    

Crappy M/C's...  Pirates...  (gotta' admit tho that I really don't get the Pirate deal.  headscarf thing maybe??)  

[county]

Well, I guess chornbe and Askadoodoo aren't having fun anymore.  

[stevent]

--- http://www.goingfaster.com/angst/ownersmanual.htm


This guy should be the poster boy for you Harley bashers. some of his shit is actually funny but overall anyone who goes to such lengths to but down something is a fucking asshole who obviously has deep seated issues, the real joke is that this guy is a pig in South Carolina or somewhere.........

real good example for you Harley wannabe's...

[oleslog8r]

this ain't no party
this ain't no disco
this ain't no foolin' around

no time for dancin'
or lovey-dovey
I ain't got time for that now

Love dem' talking heads...

[oleslog8r]

--- http://www.goingfaster.com/angst/ownersmanual.htm


This guy should be the poster boy for you Harley bashers. some of his shit is actually funny but overall anyone who goes to such lengths to but down something is a fucking asshole who obviously has deep seated issues, the real joke is that this guy is a pig in South Carolina or somewhere.........

real good example for you Harley wannabe's...

Chris Shields could have been from anywhere actually.  Your guess of SC really would not have surprised me anymore than it should you if he had turned out to be from the great northwest.   There are crazy nutjobs everywhere.

Actually he provides info indicating he is from Columbus/Columbia, MS.  Forgot which and don't really give a rats hindend.  Gives a phone number too.

He does make a point of resembling 'Black Echo'... complete with Kung-Fu grip.

[atadaskew]

Well, I guess chornbe and Askadoodoo aren't having fun anymore.  

Meh.  Already been through this. I think more than once   Just letting you kids have your fun.

Someone feverishly bashing their keyboard to "make a point" and the lemmings chiming in has zero effect on me enjoying my bikes.
 

[Ti954]

Meh.  Already been through this. I think more than once   Just letting you kids have your fun.

Someone feverishly bashing their keyboard to "make a point" and the lemmings chiming in has zero effect on me enjoying my bikes.
 

Harleys suck!

[ToadRide]

A harley owner goes to the bar and orders only coffee looking very depressed. The bartender says "Hey buddy, what's with you? last night you were in here drinking tequila having a great time. Hell you were the life of the party and today you look like you just lost your best friend, what gives"?
The harley guy says "I'm so ashamed, I got so drunk last night that I went home and blew chunks all night long".
The bartender laughs a little and says "That's nothing to be ashamed about, hell we've all done that".
Harley guy "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog".

 :lol:Ti wins the prize!!

[stevent]

Chris Shields could have been from anywhere actually.  Your guess of SC really would not have surprised me anymore than it should you if he had turned out to be from the great northwest.   There are crazy nutjobs everywhere.

Actually he provides info indicating he is from Columbus/Columbia, MS.  Forgot which and don't really give a rats hindend.  Gives a phone number too.

He does make a point of resembling 'Black Echo'... complete with Kung-Fu grip.

Chris Shields IS black echo, there's a picture of him at the bottom of his diatribe. I may be wrong about him being from SC though, I just remembered the cop part and being from Columbia. He's a piece of work though, he must of seen some HD rider poking his mom in the ass for him to hate them so bad. The guys obsessed
 

[county]

Someone feverishly bashing their keyboard to "make a point" and the lemmings chiming in has zero effect on me enjoying my bikes.
 

Yeah, but what about when we bash Harleys?

[Grumbler]

What it takes to be a jerk

BY DAVE BARRY

(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on Sept. 29, 1996.)

Recently, when I was having a hamburger at an outdoor restaurant, two guys
started up their Harley-Davidson motorcycles, parked maybe 25 feet from me.

Naturally, being Harley guys, these were rebels -- lone wolves, guys who do it
Their Way, guys who do not follow the crowd. You could tell because they were
wearing the same jeans, jackets, boots, bandannas, sunglasses, belt buckles,
tattoos and (presumably) underwear worn by roughly 28 million other lone-wolf
Harley guys.

And, of course, once they got their engines started, they had to spend the equivalent
of two college semesters just sitting there, revving their engines, which were so ear-
bleedingly loud that I thought my hamburger was going to leap from my plate and skitter,
terrified, back into the kitchen. I believe many Harley guys spend more time revving their
engines than actually driving anywhere; I sometimes wonder why they bother to have
wheels on their motorcycles.

Perhaps you, too, have experienced an assault of Harley-revving; and perhaps you have
asked yourself: Why do these people DO this? What possible reason could they have for
causing so much discomfort to those around them? As it happens, there IS a reason, and
it is an excellent one: They're jerks.

I'm not saying that ALL Harley guys -- some of my friends are Harley guys -- engage in this
obnoxious behavior. I'm just saying that the ones who DO engage in it are jerks. And I am
not afraid to tell them so, even if they are large and hairy and potentially violent. I am not
afraid to say: ``OK, Mr. Loud Harley Guy, you got a problem with me calling you a jerk?

You want to DO something about it? You want to express your disagreement by tapping out
lengthy Morse Code sentences on my skull with a tire iron? Then why don't you -- if you have
the guts -- come see me PERSONALLY at my place of employment, located at 1600 Penn-
sylvania Ave., Washington, D.C.? Come on if you dare, fat boy! Ride right into the lobby!''

[02Tac]

Harley-Davidson: The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the adverse side effect of horsepower.

[ray6576]

Harley-Davidson: The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the adverse side effect of horsepower.

That is a good one. Keep it up.

[crashtech]

Harley-Davidson: The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the adverse side effect of horsepower.

OMG I just lost my breakfast!!! Thats funny right there, I dont care who you are.

[Thundergod]

Harley Davidson: Trying to figure out idle since 1903.

[Ti954]

Harley-Davidson: The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the adverse side effect of horsepower.

That's good for 2nd place.  

[Hardware]

[Hardware]

[oleslog8r]

Harley-Davidson: The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the adverse side effect of horsepower.

Is that yours??  Original??

Family friends son does some silk screening.  May I 'borrow'??

[UFO]

Harley-Davidson: The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the adverse side effect of horsepower.

I'm not much in to the Harley bashing thing...but this one is brilliant.

[02Tac]

Is that yours??  Original??

Family friends son does some silk screening.  May I 'borrow'??

Wish it was mine, but I found it posted in a number of places when I googled "harley jokes"  Sad part is I also got quite a lot of hits with nothing more than pictures of harleys!

[oleslog8r]

Wish it was mine, but I found it posted in a number of places when I googled "harley jokes"  Sad part is I also got quite a lot of hits with nothing more than pictures of harleys!

Thanks for the reply

[Ti954]

What do dogs and harleys have in common?





They both like to ride in the back of the truck.

[Ti954]

Q:     Why did they decide to call it the “Harley Owners Group?”

A:     Because the term “Special Ed” was already taken.

[Ti954]

Q. What do you get when you have 32 Harley owners in the same room?

A. A full set of teeth.

[Ti954]

Did you hear about the HD owner who put Odor Eaters in his new riding boots?

Two days later, he disappeared.

[Ti954]

Q-What does a Harley and a hemorrhoid have in common?

A-Sooner or later every asshole gets one.

[Ti954]

Q: Why do harley riders chrome all their parts???


A: It makes them easier to spot on the side of the road.

[Ti954]

You might not be riding a real motorcycle if:

    *  Your motorcycle has a reverse gear.
    * You don't kill bugs with your helmet.
    * You installed a cup holder.
    * Your wheels have metal spokes.
    * It takes NO skill to ride.
    * Your motorcycle has more than two headlights.
    * Your motorcycle has a redline below 10,000 RPM.
    * Your motorcycle has a heater.
    * You have to use an intercom to talk to your passenger.
    * Your motorcycle won't wheelie (aka "You Can't Get The Front End Up Without A Crane" Syndrome).
    * The dry weight is greater than 600 lbs.
    * Your motorcycle has a trailer hitch.
    * You have a hardpoint for the attachment of a sidecar.
    * Your motorcycle takes longer than 5 seconds to get to 60mph.
    * Your motorcycle doesn't have a chain.
    * Your motorcycle is more loud than fast.
    * Your seat is right over the rear tire.
    * Your headlight has a shroud.
    * Your tail light has a color dot.
    * You have a cruise control.
    * Black is the only color that accessorizes well.
    * You need more than two people to put it on the center stand.
    * It has a center stand.
    * You installed a sissy bar.
    * Tattoos are required for ownership.
    * Tasseled chaps and vest are the proper dress code for riding.
    * The riding position is perfectly comfortable.
    * Your passenger has a full seat behind you.
    * You got your helmet at a WW II Axis surplus sale.
    * You have a tattoo of your bike.
    * You're the sixth owner in four years.
    * Your wife has a tattoo of your bike.
    * There is a plastic skull over your headlight.
    * Your rearview mirrors are shaped like German iron crosses.
    * Your windshield is three feet wide and four feet tall.
    * Your motorcycle has a 40 channel CB, and a AM-FM Stereo Cassette.
    * You have an antennae on your bike.
    * You paid more than $14,000 for a USED bike!
    * Your seat has springs under it.
    * You have matching studded leather saddlebags.
    * Your helmet has a spike on top of it.
    * Your grandfather rode a bike just like it when he was a young man.
    * Most of your bike's highway time was spent tied down in the back of a pickup truck.
    * Your rear tire has a mud flap.
    * Your riding buddies are named "Skull", "Bone", and "Skeeter".
    * You have more than 4 reflectors on your bike.
    * You ever had to worry about jack-knifing the trailer that you were towing behind your bike.
    * You got a free logo embossed wallet on a chain promotional when you took delivery of your bike from the dealer.
    * You can't adjust your suspension.
    * Your dog likes to go for rides on it.
    * Your passenger can fall asleep while riding.
    * Your spark plug caps light up.
    * You have to turn your headlight on manually.
    * Your engine isn't liquid cooled.
    * Your air cleaner rattles and shakes when you twist the throttle.
    * You have floor boards instead of foot pegs.
    * You have six cylinders, six carburetors, and still can't get down the quarter mile in less than twelve and a half seconds.
    * Your bike has more colored lights than a Christmas tree.
    * Your engine size is measured in cubic inches instead of CC's.
    * You ever bought or installed billet aluminum accessories for your bike.
    * Magazine ads for your bike feature bearded overweight older men with odious personal habits and a fetish for leather and chains.
    * The head mechanic at your dealer has both arms covered in tattoos and answers only to the name of "Snake Daddy."
    * The name of your motorcycle includes any of the following words "Heritage", "Classic", "Vintage", "King", "Glide", "Tourer", "Retro", "Road", "Highway", "Dyna", "Ultra", "Springer", "Soft", "Hard", "Tail", or "Star".
    * No one looks at you funny when you ride into a truck stop.
    * The same people who built your bike just introduced their own line of cigarettes.
    * The only instrumentation on your bike is a big fat speedometer that goes all the way up to 85 mph.
    * The name of your bike doesn't include a capital R somewhere in it.
    * You ever installed highway cruising pegs.
    * The dealership where you bought your bike is not a place you would take your children.
    * The dealer offers a line of black leather accessories for your model.
    * You bought it because you thought that others would think you were bad.
    * People lock their doors when you pull up next to them at an intersection.
    * You paid good money to have someone pin-stripe it.
    * At idle, your pipes are louder than the stereo in the low-rider next to you.
    * You installed a windshield that raises and lowers electronically.
    * You just spent three hours polishing chrome and one hour riding.
    * Your engine has less than four valves per cylinder.
    * You can ride it on and off the street.
    * The ignition key goes in on the side.
    * Your bike has any kind of mural or artwork on it.
    * Your exhaust pipes have fins on the tips.
    * You have to kick-start your engine.
    * You have your nickname or CB handle etched into your windshield.
    * Your engine has case crash guards installed.
    * It has a trunk.
    * It has more than two wheels and is street driven.
    * The Shriner's Parade has bikes like yours.
    * A aftermarket company offers a trike conversion kit for your particular model.
    * Your speedometer is located in the top of your gas tank.
    * Your motorcycle has more than 40 pounds of chrome on it.
    * People can hear you riding from two miles away, with the factory pipes.
    * Your motorcycle has parts from more than five different models, from the factory!
    * The company you bought your motorcycle from makes more money from selling logo T-shirts and wallets on a chain than they do from selling motorcycles.
    * The Japanese build a better model.
    * You can crank your bike without the key being in the ignition!
    * Your bike is in the dealer for factory work more often than its on the road.
    * You had to wait for a year on a waiting list just to get your bike and / or pay a non-refundable deposit.
    * The angle and position of your handlebars keeps your hands higher than your shoulders when you ride
    * Truck drivers and Waffle House waitresses like it.
    * Your brand new bike wouldn't even crank at the dealer.
    * You have to put both feet on the ground when you stop.
    * You have tassels hanging anywhere from your bike.
    * Your ass is less than 2 feet off the ground when you ride.
    * Your quarter mile times are greater than twelve and a half seconds.
    * Your highway pegs keep your legs spread wider than the stirrups at a gynecologist's office.
    * You have over twelve hundred CCs of engine and less than a fifty horsepower.
    * You ever thought about installing a small block Chevy and a Powerglilde.
    * Your bike is brand new from the showroom and still looks like it was made in 1944.
    * You ever dropped your bike on its side and instantly did $400 worth of improvement to it.
    * Your motorcycle was built in Milwaukee.

[crashtech]

Damn...i am loving this shit...Funny as hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant wait to get to work and use some on the croud there who rides them.

[Ti954]

What's the cheapest way to get another 50hp from your Harley?


Trade it in on a Honda.

[Ti954]

What's the difference between a Harley and a Harley owner's home?


The Harley costs more and has fewer wheels.

[Ti954]

Where can you find the world's largest collection of Harley jokes?
At Sturgis

What do you call a group of Harley Owners with a collective IQ of 120?
Sturgis!

How do Harley engineers tell if a bike is worthy of the Harley name?
They check to make sure the exhaust noise in decibels exceeds the horsepower rating.

Why don't Harley owners smile?
Once you realized you got conned into paying $25,000 for an outdated piece of shit would YOU be smiling?

Why do Harleys have fringe?
So you can tell if they're moving.

How do you know your Harley is handling great?
You can almost keep up with the logging trucks when you're riding in the
canyons.

What is the difference between a Harley Davidson and an old dog?
The dog can get in the back of the pickup by itself.

Why couldn't the Harley mechanic repair the doorknob?
Some things just can't be fixed with only a hammer and a rope.

Why do all Harley owners have trailers??
So they can go around corners faster!

You know you're a Harley rider if...

....you're unable to let your bike simply IDLE at a stop light.

....you confuse the word "character" with the more accurate term
"engineering flaws."

...."water cooled" means standing on the side of the road, in the rain, waiting for a your buddy to come in his pickup truck.

[Ti954]

Reasons why Harley riders don't wave at other bikers
_______________________________

They're way too cool to acknowledge any non-Harley riders.

They're too busy daydreaming about owning a real motorcycle.

Their engine is too weak to handle the added wind resistance of a waving hand.

The Rottie (in back of the pickup truck with the tied down Harley) is easily upset by rapid hand movements.

Are you kidding? Risk their lives trying to control a Harley with just one hand!

They're too busy humming "Born to be Wild" while fantasizing about being Peter Fonda or Dennis Hopper.

They're too busy figuring out how to pay for next order of genuine Harley accessories (including the "official" HD calculator needed to add up the cost).

If they really have to tell you, you won't understand anyway.

They can't see you because their half-shell helmet keeps falling down over their eyes.

They think we are actually trying to draw their attention to the parts falling off their bikes, and they are sick and tired of it.

[Ti954]

A young man has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike, the dealer asks if he would like some extra chrome protection added to the bill. The young man is upset because he does not have the extra money, and is now afraid that the chrome will rust as soon as it gets wet. The dealer tells him not to worry. There is an old biker trick that will keep the chrome like new. All he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains - and everything will be fine. The young man happily pays for the bike and leaves.

A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily agrees and the date is set. At the appointment time, he picks her up on his new Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.

After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses the woman in front of her family. And no one says a word.......

Next he decides to take a more direct approach, so he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. And no one says a word.......

Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. They have even wilder sex. And no one says a word........

By now he is getting very worried and is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his new Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.

And the father says "Never mind!  I'll do the dishes!"

[steve.m]

A young man has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike, the dealer asks if he would like some extra chrome protection added to the bill. The young man is upset because he does not have the extra money, and is now afraid that the chrome will rust as soon as it gets wet. The dealer tells him not to worry. There is an old biker trick that will keep the chrome like new. All he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains - and everything will be fine. The young man happily pays for the bike and leaves.

A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily agrees and the date is set. At the appointment time, he picks her up on his new Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.

After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses the woman in front of her family. And no one says a word.......

Next he decides to take a more direct approach, so he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. And no one says a word.......

Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. They have even wilder sex. And no one says a word........

By now he is getting very worried and is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his new Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.

And the father says "Never mind!  I'll do the dishes!"

[spd2918]

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a Hoover vacuum?

The Hoover only seats one dirt bag.

[atadaskew]

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a Hoover vacuum?

The Hoover only seats one dirt bag.

You calling yourself and all other cops that ride Harleys dirtbags?
Huh.

[Ti954]

You calling yourself and all other cops that ride Harleys dirtbags?
Huh.

If the shoe fits........

[Gsam]

 

[Thundergod]

What do you get when you get 4 harley girls together....

A full set of teeth.

[atadaskew]

What do you get when you get 4 harley girls together....

A full set of teeth.

things must be lookin' up! It used to be 8 Harley girls...

[spd2918]

You calling yourself and all other cops that ride Harleys dirtbags?
Huh.

It's called a sense of humor, dumbass.

[atadaskew]

It's called a sense of humor, dumbass.

So, yes.

[spd2918]

So, yes.

Oh, don't take is personally because people are picking on Milwaukee's best.  People bash Honda but I don't pout about it.  I have posted many good things about my 06 Ultra and how brand loyalty is for the weak minded.  So get over yourself.

[steve.m]

HD riders bashing HD riders...and here i am on a sportster.  Guess who's &ucked?  

[atadaskew]

HD riders bashing HD riders...and here i am on a sportster.  Guess who's &ucked?  

Hey, this is the Harley bashing thread!  I'm just playin' along!

[Mr.Black]

One has just been ridden for 3.5 hours.
One has been moved out of the garage to make room for a vehicle to be worked on.

Can you guess which is which??

Sure is shiny though.

Just sayin........

[boxer briefs]

Ah well, time to join the fray. I've had many laughs the past couple of days reading the various HD bashing threads and it made me wonder, "What are those fine Harley riders bashing on their forum?" So I put on my doo-rag and ventured off. In my surfing I stumbled upon this lovely little thread http://hdforums.com/forum/general-harley-davidson-chat/347936-harley-riders-piss-off-adam-carolla.html where they prove the violence prone, homophobic, antisemitic, xenophobic, false patriot stereotype so many of them are.  So then toward the end of the now locked thread, one of the moderators goes to an Adam Carolla fan forum and starts a thread to invite them to "join the conversation!"  http://mahalo.30.forumer.com/index.php?showtopic=13705   Some pretty funny stuff.

To 02Tac- the "Big Johnson" post was hilarious.

[Kootenanny]

Well, there's always this classic:

[atadaskew]

Well, there's always this classic:

If that leaks oil all over the carpet I want one!

[steve.m]

I sincerely hope that's not photoshop, i want one!!

[02Tac]

http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/44492/detail/

[steve.m]

hahahahahahahaahahahaha, this is the popup ad that came up when i visited that site...

http://establishedmen.com/?utm_medium=paid_search&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=content_auto_banner&utm_content=banner&utm_term=Male01__300x250

Harleys attract gold diggers?

[Ti954]

I forgot about the Adam Carolla rant.  

[02Tac]

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven." Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself."
The befeathered fellow at the gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" God says, "Ah, yes." "Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws in your invention: One, there's too much front-end protrusion Two, it chatters at high speeds. Three, the rear end wobbles too much. Four, the intake is placed too close to the exhaust."

"Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on." God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God tells Arthur Davidson, "but according to My Computer, more people are riding my invention than yours."

[02Tac]

Top 10 Reasons Why Harley Riders Don't Wave at Other Motorcyclists.
10) They're way too cool to acknowledge any non-Harley riders.
9) They're too busy daydreaming about owning a real motorcycle.
8) Their engine is too weak to handle the added wind resistance of a waving hand.
7) The Rottie (in back of the pickup truck with the tied down Harley) is easily upset by rapid hand movements.
6) Are you kidding? Risk their lives trying to control a Harley with just one hand!
5) They're too busy humming "Born to be Wild" while fantasizing about being Peter Fonda or Dennis Hopper.
4) They're too busy figuring out how to pay for the next order of genuine Harley accessories (including the "official" HD calculator needed to add up the cost).
3) If we really have to tell you, you won't understand anyway.
2) They can't see you because their half-shell helmet keeps falling down over their eyes.
1) They think we are actually trying to draw their attention to the parts falling off their bikes, and they are sick and tired of it.

[02Tac]

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!  Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.  Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.  Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.  Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!  Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.  The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!  The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.  Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.  

The moral of the story?  When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks.

[steve.m]

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!  Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.  Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.  Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.  Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!  Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.  The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!  The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.  Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.  

The moral of the story?  When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks.

[H.C.D.]

This link pretty much sums it up, I think....

http://www.crappiecat.com/store/store_product_detail.cfm?Product_ID=2246