Berlin.
Berlin was the capital of the Western Russian empire until it was let off for good behaviour and transformed back into a German Shepherd largely made of of barbed wire.
The people who live in Berlin are named after Berliners, a sort of Hamburger named after President Kennedy. Who was assassinated for betraying the MacDonald's franchise.
Berlin is famous for several things and is probably worth avoiding.
Some amusing stuff you've listed. This thread is all very Monty Pythonesque.
Berlin is indeed a dump. Although it's a fairly cheap place to live, the city is broke, has huge problems with unemployment and crime, has a gay major, the largest Turkish population outside of Istanbul and plenty of neo nazis. And the beer is crap too.
Munich is the place to be in Germany, and we've got this:
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/09/oktoberfest_2009.html 
